The Fighter And His Muse
by Tanay.Smith
Summary: Jace is boxer and Clary is the new, mysterious employee at the gym. She has a past somewhat similar to Jace's and he's going to figure it out. Jace has a big fight coming up and with Clary there's more than just money at stake. All Human. HIATUS.
1. Distractions

**Hi Guys. My Name is Tanay. **

**I'm new to fanfiction all together. This is my firs fanfic ever, actually it's my first try at writing any story. SO constructive critisism is welcome along with corrections, ideas, flames. Pretty much anything you want to tell me. I'll listen (: **

**Ordinarily I won't bother with little letters however me being a noob and all I thought it appropriate. A little background info on me. My name is Tanay Smith. I'm pretty young. I really like reading; especially books such as Cassandra Clare, Lilith St. Crow, John Marsden, Lian Hearn, Darren Shan and Maria V. Snyder. I mostly like writing my own stories with characters from books. I'm Australian, however I thought the story would be more easily thought of if based in America/Canada so...**

**I'm not quite sure how this disclaimer thing works but what I have picked up is:**

**Disclaimer: All characters are property of Cassandra Clare author and creator of The Mortal Instruments series.**

**How'd I do?**

**Here's my story.**

J Pov.

It's been almost 5 years. 5 years and I'm in a better place, than I have been.

It was hard not to let my mind wander when; I was laying left hooks into the punching bag. It's so natural. Too natural really. Should anyone really feel completely comfortable and at ease with the thought of beating the crap out of another human being?

It's sick and sadistic, but hey, so am I.

But shit, if I don't want Alec to lay off on the training, just for a week. To let my muscles recover from the tearing agonies of training for 10 hours a day 7 days a week 4 weeks a month 12 months a-you get the idea.

If you want to be the best, this is what it took. Training, training, training and more training. There was no time for distractions. And lord knows I ain't touching alcohol, I've sworn by it.

According to Alec the heavens forbid I have a jelly filled donut every once in a while. My lusting after 500 calorie sweets was interrupted by _her_ entrance.

Far out, a man says he doesn't want to be distracted and a piece of ass like that walks in. Well shit what was I supposed to do now?

"Hey. HEY!" Alec said shouting in my face.

"Eyes on the prize, kid. I don't want to sound like a broken record but: if you want to win this next fight and get 15 grand; I suggest you stop eye-screwing the new girl, and start training harder." He was giving me that hard, cold look he wore when he was full-on training mode.

"Alec man, chill. I have been fighting my whole life. What harms it going to do if I have one night of fun?" I asked while watching the newbie walk into Robert's office.

Alec gave me the dirtiest look I've ever seen, and I've gotten _a lot _of them.

"A lot of harm Jace. Look, her names Clary, she came here from Toronto. She hates the city, she hates the rain, and she's smart, gorgeous, and way out of your league." He finished by turning away quickly, checking on the board.

"Hold up, out my league?" I asked jogging to catch to where he had wondered off to.

"Out of _my_ league? Alec, there's no such thing. I'm Jace Herondale, the underground boxing champion. I have over 300 different girls phone numbers on one napkin." I laughed. Alec just smiled at me amusingly.

"And hey, look at this face." I wiped my hand across my sweaty cheek.

"Look at these abs." I raised my shirt across my abdominals to prove my point.

"Plus I've got a personality to challenge Tyra Banks. Man, I can get more ass than sparkly, fictional vampires." Alec was officially in stitches at my apparent lack of self control when it came to talking me up.

I am a lot of things; modest is not one of them.

Just then _she _walked out, Clary. She had fiery red lusciously curly hair reaching just below her perfectly curves and sized boobs. She had a heavy side fringe almost covering her left eye, until she ran her hand through it pushing it behind her head, where it would just fall back in place perfectly., and it was straight...how'd that work?

What? I'm a guy; I'm not one for hair stuff.

I'd always had a thing for long hair, but she didn't need it. One thing's for sure it wasn't a distraction from her perfect face; her cheek bones were pronounced at an angle I've never seen before, she had a soft button nose and these perfectly manicured arched eye brows like she was sceptical of everything, always asking questions. Which lead me to the most piercing pair of green orbs; they were framed with long, thick dark brown lashes around almond shaped eyes.

Her skin tone made her glow, she was this creamy soft colour sought of like a porcelain doll, only not creepy.

I averted my eyes to her feet, and to my surprise she was in a pair of low cut black and white chucks. My eyes travelled the length of her curved calves, up her perfectly sculpted legs were all the while covered by tight black skinny jeans. Showing off her perfect round ass.

From her waist up she was wearing this big baggy purple adiddas jumper. She was perfect.

She looked clean cut, devious and like she'd give you hell in an argument.

So she wasn't my type I liked short straight hair, dark brown mysterious eyes. And a girl I wouldn't have to work too hard to impress. She sure doesn't look like a bimbo, and boy, did I like bimbos.

Despite all that I saw wrong with her there was so much more that was right. The pros out-weighed the cons.

She was almost perfect, amazing. She was...leaving. Crap.

"Ummm, Alec?" I questioned anxiously looking towards the door. "Are we done here? I'd really like to get going."

"Hmmmmm. I guess. However if you want to leave early you're going to have to run more tonight. 5 kilometres too much?" he asked smirking. He really thought I would whine and bitch and refuse. Well he didn't know me as well as he thought.

"Yeah no problem. Later man" I shouted over my shoulder while simultaneously running out the door. I searched the parking lot quickly. Damn, missed her.

Well next time. Yeah definitely. I better get started on those 5 k's then. Ugh.

Heart pounding from the rushing blood. Head throbbing from the lack of oxygen. More than anything, the excitement form the adrenaline rush that running always gave me. I slowed to a jog, and turn the corner, slamming into something small, fragile and with a sailors mouth.

"What the frick?" She stammered backwards rubbing her already reddening forehead. "Ow, dude why don't you watch were you're freaking going? For god's sake man, what's your problem? You, are and idiot, a moron. Down right, brain dead-" her sentence cut off when she caught site of me. I was met with the dullest pair of grey eyes; dull eyes that showed nothing but lust.

"My goodness, I'm so sorry for getting in your way. I hope I didn't dent any of those big" Sigh "Ahhh, muscles" she smiled. Trying to recover her all ready tainted reputation with me.

I just smirked down at her. "Yeah don't worry about it." I said, making a note not to apologize after the harsh reaction, I thought was completely unjustified. Besides people don't treat me like that. Not if they like all their teeth.

"Well my name is Aline." She smiled through clumped lashes while putting her hand out to me like she was the queen and I was supposed to bow down and kiss it. Well stuff that.

"Hey, Jace" I responded nodding curtly and grabbing her "delicate" hand and shaking it roughly.

She was shocked to say the least. From the looks out of it, she thought she was a hot little thing. Now, she was pretty and definitely my type. Short jet black, dead straight hair just reaching her shoulders, petite body, skinny waist, minimal clothing. Yeah that's how I liked them. Usually.

Not today. Not after _her_. She had faded from my mind but as I was interrupted by this girl, she suddenly popped back in my head. I found myself comparing this Aline to Clary.

I think it's fair to say, Clary wins. Easy, if those legs of hers had any part in it, and they did. I'm a leg-man. Sue me.

"-so the place is nice, and cosy and maybe we could stop in there sometime." She finished smiling hopefully at me.

"Err yeah." Wait, what? Yes? To what? Shit.

"Awesome, here's my number" she scribbled a bunch of digits onto my palm with a pen from god-knows were.

"Call me" she winked and sauntered, I barely got 2 words in the end. "Yeah, we'll see." I laughed, yeah girls wanted me. Tell me something I don't know.

**Thanks for reading guys. (:**


	2. Something Called Hope

**Well I know it's been less than one day. However I just wanted everyone to see a little bit of Clary's thoughts. I won't be doing her POV a whole lot, no will i be updating everyday and leaving little messages. There maybe a few more for this story though. Sorry. Most chapters will hopefully be longer. **

**I noticed some people not overly delighted with Aline's appearance. Haha well I am trying to give each of the character's my own kind of dimension so, you may be surprised at her personality. Also I just wanted the characters *cough* Jace *cough* to find something new that maybe they weren't looking for. Thus Jaces um, 'type' in lack of a better word.**

**So on with the story...**

Chapter 2

C Pov

It had to be here. This was the last chance I had. If I didn't get this, it'd be sleeping in that cab for the next week, eating rations of baked beans and sour dough bread.

That was ok for me, I could deal with it, but I really didn't want to, I needed this job.

These were the thoughts, pressures and freak outs running through her head while entering the gym. She flinched at the sound of padded gloves against punching bags.

Someone, somewhere in this gym was laying some killer left hooks into a very unfortunate bag. As I thought the words I got a brief glimpse of golden. That was until it was obstructed by a goofy looking guy in glasses and a Dungeons and Dragons t-shirt.

"Can I help you?" He asked; scaling his eyes up and down my purple jumper and black skinny jeans.

"I was looking for a Robert Lightwood?" I hesitated unsure. I met his dark brown eyes for the first time, since I was staring at his long blue jeans leading down to his Nike high tops.

His eyes were...friendly. Well that was something I wasn't expecting.

"Yeah, well right through those glass doors on the far side of the ring." He said pointing towards a big back wall with barely anything but big mirrors covering the right half of the wall and a wide pair of split glass doors furthest to left as it could get.

I mumbled a 'thanks', while passing him. I walked passed a multiple number of 'boxers' and saw that flash of gold again, this time I followed it. A guy, a really good looking-who was I kidding? - A damn fine guy with the body of Taylor Lautner, from the side his profile was strong with a demanding jaw and bone structure. Out of all the trainees he was the most focused, determine. I could see it in his eyes.

The same gold eyes that were now assessing her. Shit. Caught staring. Act cool, nonchalant. Good, now; keep your eyes focused on the glass doors. Man, I can feel his eyes boring into me.

Finally! The glass doors. Thank you, Lord.

A pushed the doors wide open just as I heard a loud 'Hey' from the direction of the golden boxer.

A slightly scruffy man was sitting behind a small desk in a well decorated – for a gym – office.

"Hi. Mr. Lightwood? Robert? Is it? My name's Clary." She said meekly, biting the corner of her bottom lip.

Robert's eyes trailed the length of my little body. Registering me I assume. Here comes the anxiety ridden teenager again. Crap.

"Please call me Robert. This is a gym not a class room" He chuckled to himself.

I just stood there laughing awkwardly. "So, do you have a resume?" He asked raised his eye brows at me.

"Um, well no not quite, actually not at all" I replied, man this was going shittier than I thought it would.

The man's expression remained kind of blank. "Why do you want to work in this gym?" he asked in that same neutral voice.

"I don't" I whispered. "But I need to." I finally raised her eyes to his and he stared much the same as before, like I didn't just admit to being pathetically in need of some crappy job cleaning a sweaty gym.

"Ok. You got it. Be back in the gym Monday morning, 7 o'clock sharp" He stated, than flashed me a brief smile.

I was shocked and...Happy? Well today's been full of nice surprises I guess. "Thanks so much Mr-" I caught myself in the throes of good manners "Robert" I smiled sheepishly at him. He just told me to head out and enjoy the few hours of the weekend I had left.

I left his office running my hand through my side fringe only to have it fall back in place above my right eye. Daring a glance over at the golden boxing boy. He seemed to be having a very funny conversation with a fellow-trainee? No manager? Nu uh..._trainer_? Yeah that seems about right.

Finally, I was leaving the gym with; a new job, an interesting in sight to the gyms participants and a new found emotion.

I smiled to myself sipping my tasteless coffee. You'd think in a place like Brooklyn they'd have half decent coffee. Well I have yet to find it.

I lent my head against the glass wall my chair was propped up against. I glanced at my watch. 1 am? Already? Well slap my ass and call me Sally. I'd better get back to my hous- err car.

I sighed. Yeah, a lot had happed in 1 month. Things I'm not too excited to think about. I don't particularly want to delve into my psyche. I open my wallet. Shit, $6 dollars left. I drop 4 on the table.

Despite my money woes, I wondered off into the darkness towards my car and for the first time in what seemed like years but was probably more like a couple weeks, I felt this emotion that seemed so foreign to me now; I _think_ I use to call it hope.

**Thanks For Reading. x**


	3. It's Enough

**So, I know. I'm a dirty liar. Because this is my third update in one day. I stayed home from school today so I got alot done for you wonderful people here. So don't get used to it, but do enjoy it. (:**

**Disclaimer: All rights go to Cassandra Clare.**

J Pov

"The things kids watch these days. It's downright creepy" I spoke with a mouthful of fruit loops, sitting on my 'beige' couch as Magnus had drilled it into my head was the colour.

"_Grey?" I asked, smirking, knowing how much it would piss him off. _

"_BEIGE! JACE, the colour is freaking beige. Get it right you fighting numb skull. My god, maybe you should stop fighting, you apparently have had one too many hits to that pretty little noggin of yours!" He yelled frustrated at me, obviously. _

_I was currently rolling on the floor laughing at his outburst; yeah Magnus was the only one that got away with talking to me like that. _

"_Fine be an idiot. I don't care! Call it grey, but you better thank me when you sleep better on this couch than in your own bed." He said menacingly. _

"_Yeah, yeah. Thank you Maggie" I sang while smiling sweetly at him._

_Magnus gave one very frustrated yell and stormed out of my apartment._

I laughed at the memory at was drawn back to some crappy morning kids show about a...Purple Dinosaur?

"Whatever" I sighed

Needless to say Magnus came back a few hours later to finish decorating this place. I'm bad with hair, fashion and decor, so I leave it to my wonderfully flamboyantly gay friend. Speaking of which should be back with my trainer right about now.

They'd been a thing for almost 6 months. Good for them. I had nothing against gays. I however was strictly on the straight and narrow, well in 1 way.

I laughed at my lame joke sought of happy no one else could hear what was going on inside my head.

At that I heard a faint jingle of keys. Speak of the devil.

"Jacey Wacey?" I heard Magnus shout out for me. He- hand in hand with my trainer- entered the kitchen I was currently occupying.

"Jace, what did I tell you about eating cereal for dinner? _Fruit Loops_ has no nutrients. Jace, you need nutrients." He sighed, releasing Magnus' hand and went to the fridge to start on some healthy training crap, full of vegetables and shit. Ugh.

"You know what? I think I'm going to finish those 5 k's now." I said walking towards my room to get into my running shoes and trackies.

"Finish? Jace, you have to do them all at once. You don't get the same cardio fitness increase when you take breaks."

"Alec. Could you be my friend for 5 minutes? And not my trainer? Come on man. Give me a break" I laughed at his annoyed expression as I left the apartment.

If I was honest with myself, I didn't want to run. I wanted to go have some really strong coffee. Screw Alec and his rules, I'm bad at following rules anyway. I'm like James Dean only without the motor bike, leather jacket and gang.

That's me, rebel without a cause. I grimaced at the last thought. I suppose with a cause. Ugh, I shook my head roughly sending tendrils of blonde curls into my eyes. Hoping the action would clear my head of those images.

Then I glanced down at my hands: those damn scars taunted me, the hands of a fighter, not for honour, fame or money but for survival.

I'd been rotating my hand slowly thinking maybe, in just the right light the scars will disappear, and all those nightmares I'd suffered were just that; nightmares.

Life just wasn't that simple. That was my last thought until it was wiped from my mind by a shrilling ring. I hate mobile phones.

"Yeah?" He answered impatiently.

"Jace? Is that you? It's Aline. From the other day. So I was wondering if you wanted that coffee now?" He heard everything she said over the crappy reception but all that registered in his mind was _coffee_.

"Yeah sounds good" Coffee. Coffee. Coffee. Beautiful Coffee.

"Awesome see you in...Half an hour? The address is 45 Burken Avenue."

"ok. See you then I guess."

"bye" she responded excitedly. Burken Avenue? Oh well I'll found it along with some coffee. I smiled genuinely happy at the thought until I remembered what else I'd find, Aline. Aline, how the hell did she get my number?

It was...cosy...home like? No and no it was just small. I thought sitting in this small cafe with a real fire place and oddly placed tables and lounges and chairs. In the very centre of the room was a bar, like an actual bar. Dude, what the hell? Only it served hot caffeine beverages. It was entitled 'The Quirky Corner' this place was so far passing quirky.

Ellen DeGeneres is quirky.

Elvis was Quirky.

This place? Well this place is like a tea party straight from 'Alice In Wonderland'.

On each table was a little fountain, a small vast with little roses, oddly shaped and coloured plated and cups and inside the cabinets were cupcakes. Cupcakes with faces on top, not flowers or love hearts or any other girl crap. Faces.

So as I sat in the weirdest cafe in Brooklyn criticising every washcloth I heard a scrape of the floor. I raised my eyes and where met by grey ones. We were like polar opposites Aline and I.

She had black straight hair. I had blonde curly hair. She had grey eyes. I had gold eyes.

I took this moment to appreciate her outfit. I don't know about fashion but she looked good and that was what I cared about.

She was wearing thick cotton dark grey stockings protecting her legs from the cold, a puffy skirt with floral prints that reached the middle of her thighs, a tight singlet showing a stretch of skin just under her belly button, a black scarf and beanie and a thick trench coat on top stopping about an inch of her skirt from the back.

She smiled at me.

She was pretty. But Clary was _beautiful_. Her eyes were interesting. But Clary's were _piercing_. Aline was hot. But Clary was _smoking._

"So...Hi there." She said breaking me from staring. I don't _think_ she noticed.

"Hey" was my ever brilliant response.

"How are you?" She asked politely. Is it just me, or is she not the total bitch she seemed like?

"I'm ok I guess. Err, so I didn't get your full name?" I scrambled for something to talk about. Boring chit-chat is better that awkward silence.

"Aline Verlac. You?" She responded. Just as eager to keep the conversation going. She was ringing her hands nervously.

"Jace Herondale." I replied with a small smile.

She beamed back at me pleased she got a nice expression out of me. "Well then Jace Herondale tell me about yourself." She requested.

1 hour and half later and I finally plopped myself onto my extremely comfortable _beige_ couch. What a day. I scrolled through my phones contacts, Aline. I liked her she was...nice. I could see us, as friends.

I mean at the moment I don't think there is much luck of me going out with anyone without imagining a certain red head.

7:30. I guess its bed time that was until my stomach gurgled painfully. Coffee ain't that filling.

I dragged my feet to the couch. Hmmm? Alec made risotto. _Awesome_. I thought grabbing the container pulling it open and shoving in a couple fork full's. I don't see the point in heating it up so I ate as is.

Damn that boy can cook. I wonder if Aline can cook. I bet Clary can cook.

Dropping the container into the sink I wandered to my bedroom at the very end of the hall. These empty halls. It was just another reminder of what little I had left. My room wasn't much better.

Empty, too clean, organised. No pictures, posters, nothing.

Well nothing except for the guitar. I guess that was the only thing in this room that showed anything about me.

The sheets and curtains were white, the walls were grey and the carpet brown. Neutral, indifferent. Up until a day ago none of this bothered me. Now, I wanted more in this room than one acoustic, steel string guitar. I wanted _someone _to walk in say this belongs to the kind of kid who... who what?

Fights.

That's enough. Right?

It's enough for me. But would it be enough for _her?_

C Pov

I got out and stretched my aching back. Yeah, sleeping in a car does not too wonders to your posture. Just as I was thinking of crawling back into the backseat to see if I could catch some extra z's a very nice looking Mercedes SLR McLaren pulled into the parking lot of the gym.

Yesterday when I left I just walked around the city till I found a quiet cafe to crash out for a few hours.

I started thing about tomorrow. I'd start work, at a gym. Well _that_ sounded odd. What the hell was I suppose to do at a gym. I signed up because it said hope wanted. What kind of _help_ exactly was I suppose to do?

That was bridge I'd cross when forced to. Somehow that saying isn't as comforting when you know the crossing will be tomorrow.

Just as I was preparing myself for a collusive freak out someone attentively tapped me on the shoulder. I spun around gasping.

"Wow! Are you ok, you seem kind of flustered?" The receptionist boy from the gym said. Wearing yet another_ hilarious_ shirt. "I'll be the code to your Da Vinci" it read.

I was taking huge breaths now. "Yeah I'm fine." I said trying to turn away from him.

"Well ok, but at least sit down." He said leading me to a park bench. I sat inches from him.

I must have looked like mess. Red hair, matted and in a disarray, same clothes I had on yesterday only crinkled and can barely breathe.

Yeah, I was the image of a sane girl. Note Sarcasm.

"I'm Simon" he said in a soothing voice I didn't think he would be capable of. "You're the girl from the gym right? What's your name?" he looked at me patiently.

"Clary" I breathed out.

"Well Clary just breathe. Can take you to your apartment?" He asked.

I just shook my head. "oh, ok then. Well I wouldn't show some random guy my apartment either but how about I take you into the gym and we can sit and relax for a while?" he offered.

Relieved I nodded.

"OK then Ma'am follows me." He laughed. I just smiled weakly as I managed to regain my breathing and followed him into the gym.

The gym which _he _had a key for. I wasn't quite sure what was going on, but I was sure I was going to be in doors and moderately safe with food and a _shower _thank god.

And I guess that was enough. For now.

** Thanks For Reading x**


	4. Pretty Damn Good

**This'll be the last update for this week I think. Thanks for the reader's I'll update soon hopefully. Now, I realise it's not super angsty yet but that's because I had to fill you with humour before I gave you the next chapter (up next week) which will be choco-block filled with angst. Some secrets revealed. Sort of. I know the stories a bit every where I'm not really sure where it's gonna go but I'm sure we'll find out together (:**

**Discalimer: Original plot, characters and awesomeness belong to Cassandra Clare.**

C Pov

I laughed; I genuinely laughed and had been for half an hour. Simon the stupidest jokes, but they made me smile and that was enough. His jokes weren't 'ha-ha' funny they were wow-that-kid-is-something-else funny.

"So Clary this has been fun. However" He said standing to his full height of about 5'9 wiping the salt off of his shirt that had stuck to him during our pretzel fest.

I mean it wasn't a steak but damn it was good.

"People will be arriving throughout the next hour." He studied his watch. "It opens in 45 minutes. Just enough time for me to give you a quick low down on what you'll be doing." He said, offering a hand to her, she reached for it and he pulled her up to her feet.

I just looked at him questioningly. "I thought you were just the receptionist? By the way, why does a _gym_ need a receptionist anyway?" I asked I was so confused.

"Clary, there is no such thing as 'just' a anything around here. Everyone is important. Really I was just working it for the day, our actual receptionist's name is Isabelle." He said smiling fondly.

I raised my eye brows but decided not to press on info about his personal life.

"She does a lot. She organises matches, advertisement, judging. Oh! I know she's like a party planner for the gym only instead of parties she plans matches. Though she does through the occasional party here; Halloween, Christmas, Easter and birthdays etcetera." He laughed.

"I see" I said not completely sure whether I did see.

"Her dad's own the gym and her brother is one of the trainers. Enough about Issy, you my dear friend will be..." He trailed off. Throwing one of his long arms over my shoulder and guiding me towards the wall of shelves and lockers.

"You'll be a woman of many jobs one being: checking all the gear is clean and prepared for the boxers. For now, just make sure there is 1 of everything on this list" he said handing me a clip board "Is in each of the pigeon holes. An inventory of sorts. The boxers come to their designated whole take out their gear and train."

"That'll take you 45 minutes tops. Then come to me and I will tell another one of your jobs. Oh, and some days you'll need to sit behind the desk with Izzy and help her with the organising stuff." He said.

"Now get to work missy" He faked a stern voice than flashed me a goofy smile. Wandering off into Robert's office.

"Wait! She called out." He turned around surprised and amused.

"Whats up?" he looked curios.

"I ahh what exactly do you do here?" She said sought of embarrassed to be asking.

"Oh nothing special. I'm the co-owner." He laughed like it was Russell Peter's comedy festival and he was making fun of gamers. He just wondered closing the door of the office.

Almost simultaneously the front doors swung open to reveal a statuesque girl with long pitch black sleek hair, nearly matching the Mercedes I had seen earlier.

She was gorgeous she automatically made me feel more insignificant than dwarf standing next to Heidi Klum. She had these skin tight light grey denim jeans, with long leather boots reaching just below her knees. Her top was a v-shaped long sleeve pale pink shirt. Her hair was flowing down her back like a water fall.

Please don't let it be, please don't let it be, please don't- "My name is Isabelle" The super model said in a voice that resembled chimes being played by angels. Aww shit.

I mustered up my voice. "Clary" I spoke with uncertainty.

Her eyes softened at my name. What the hell was that about?

"It's great to have you on board." She said walking towards me. "I see Si's got you on inventory."

All I could do was nod pathetically. At first it was all who the frick is Si? ThenI realised it was a nick name, for Simon. Stunned, what was with this place and people being all joy and sunshine and ABC home entertainment?

"Well let me help you. It always goes faster with 2 people doing the job" She said sweetly reaching for the clipboard.

She started on 1 side and I checked the other. We were done in 30 minutes. Isabelle sighed contently. We hadn't spoken much. I started nibbling on my bottom lip.

Isabelle gave me sideways glance. "You know what I bet it'll be slow day. I'm going to ask Si if he'll let you work the front desk with me today." She said and practically skipped off in the direction of the glass doors.

Well this is great now completely at loss at what to do. Am I just supposed to stand here awkwardly? A Damn people are coming in. Here i was some random chick standing there waiting for Isabelle to come back.

And here she comes. Oh, thank god here she comes.

Smiling with an odd devious glint in her eyes. "So newbie welcome to the family." She laughed and led me to the desk. With 2 seats, computers, note books 1 phone, printer and cash register. And a draw or 2 filled with files.

"So you can take the right. You'll deal with the outgoing people whilst I welcome the incoming people. All you have to do is; chat them up a bit, put some details in the computer, ask if they want to write in the book to give feedback, wish them a good day and welcome them back."

Well if that was all. I sighed mentally, until I noticed Isabelle eyeing my outfit critically. "what?"

I asked self conscious. "Do you have anything more 'friendly'? If you know what I mean." She asked while nudging me and laughing.

Cue blush, and stand rambling uncomfortably now. "I just, I'm not really into, that's not quite my. I mean I'm not one for...ahh" crap. "No, not really."

Isabelle laughed at my current situation "Take off the jumper." I did as instructed and was left in my white wife beater.

"Well it's better." She laughed. "We'll have to buy you some clothes." She said excitedly "My treat, of course as a welcome to the team/what you need for work type shop" Isabelle's plans were cut off by a tall guy clearing his throat.

Instead of turning to assist the guy she just kept her eyes focused on me with her arm held out the guy giving him the universal –just wait 1 second sign.

"Um, Isabelle shouldn't you be helping the people?" I asked indicating to the guy standing impatiently at the desk that looked oddly familiar.

"Yes I should be helping 'people' he is not a person he's my brother." She laughed hysterically.

Finally wiping away a few tears she indicated to the boy with black hair and crystal blue eyes, so similar to Isabelle's.

"Clary this is my big brother Alec, he's a trainer. Alec this is the new employee Clary." We exchanged awkward hi's.

Well at least someone in this place isn't as socially comfortable as everyone else.

"Now Issy I'll be a little tied up with dad for the first hour I'll be here. I need you to tell Jace to start on his squats, push ups, and sit-ups and I'll meet him as soon as I can." He told her in full on command mode.

"Sure thing bro." She nodded, typing in a few quick words and turned back to Clary as Alec disappeared in the opposite direction. She turned back to me with determination.

"So how about tonight?" Isabelle asked. "My brother, his friend and I usually go out for dinner every Monday, but we can go shopping first and then you can join us for a meal."

"I don't know, I don't want you to spend money on me." I said but secretly really wanting a free meal and some clean clothes. Hey, you try living out for your car, eating baked beans and showering at public pools for 2 weeks. Nasty.

"I insist" she said. "I guess" I responded reluctantly. "Awesome" was Isabelle's final word on the matter.

Well over-all work was turning out; pretty damn good.

J Pov

I _H.A.T.E_ Alec right now; with a passion. What kind of 'friend' wakes up their 'friends' at 5 in the morning to run? A shitty one, that kind.

"_I swear to god Jace, if you don't drag your lazy-ass out that bed right now, you'll be running 5 K's instead of 2." He threatened. _

"_I'm up. I'm up" planning on just walking 1 K. I smirked yeah this plan was a good one. I pat myself on the back. _

"_I'll know how far you run, at what speed and for how long you know." He said smiling triumphantly. _

"_No offence Alec, old pal of mine that's sought of stalkery of you, but I don't blame you, who wouldn't want to stalk me?" I asked cockily while pouring milk into my *shudder* special K*shudder*._

"_Just run the whole 3 K's Jace. There's that nike chip in your running shows that is hooked up to dad's computer that tells me all that stuff." He sighed while exiting my apartment. Someone remind me why I gave him a spare key._

_I was out the door in 20 minutes. Hey, the faster I run this, the fster I get to the gym and hopefully get to see my own personal 'Jessica Rabbit'._

Here I stand outside the gym sweating, puffing and exhausted from running 3 K's at top speed and now, I was anxious about going in. Great job dip-shit.

Well better late than never I thought. Walking through the door and scanning pass Isabelle's head. I vaguely registered something different about the from desk but ignored it in hope of finding _her._ Damn no luck. Oh well.

"Hey Iz, where's"- my sentence stopped abruptly when I noticed next to Isabelle was the back of a head belonging to a girl, with brilliant red hair. Clary. How did he miss _that_?

"Oh Jace! You scared me, don't do that." She sad mockingly angry and stern. "Sorry Isabelle." I replied and then smiled. I always had a soft spot for my trainer's baby sister, not in a creepy way in an; I'm-going-to-protect-like-you-were-my-own-sister kind of way.

"This" she started, tapping the red head on shoulder who turned around on the swivel chair and met my golden eyes with her bright green ones.

"is Clary. The new employee." She finished her introduction. We had a moment, for sure. A- the world stopped when I looked into your eyes- moment but I wasn't going to admit it anyone but my ever so handsome self.

Clary recovered first and tuck out her hand for me to shake the proper way- not the way Aline did it-which was funny as hell too. "Hi" she practically whispered I had to bend foreword to catch it.

For a very, _very_ odd reason I picked up her hand and ran my lips across her gentle, silky to the touch hand. "Hi" responded.

This crimson coloured lit up her neck and face in just the right way not to be over whelming. She smiled into herself and let out a soft, sweet giggle.

Wait, stop what was this chick doing to me? I'd known her 5 seconds and I was a mushy puddle of man lacking all his testosterone.

That was a bad sign. Noticing this, I _had _to turn it on.

I dropped her hand and stepped back a point to have my eyes scale her body the way someone would run their hands past a fence while walking beside it. I wanted her to notice. Wanted her to think of me as a jerk. The way girl's liked it. Trust me.

When I was back to her face I was met by a very unexpected very icy cold stare. Her hey solidified and she was pissed. The smirk dropped from his lips.

She looked him in the eyes and said... "Alec wants you to start on your squats, push ups, and sit-ups. He'll meet you as soon as he can" She spoke with this brisk confidence. She was officially all-business. And far out, it was hot.

An Isabelle's eyes shone with respect, pride and dignity for the new girl.

"Well Jace. You win some you lose some." She said barely containing her laughter. "Get training Mr. I'll put in your info. Lord knows I know it." I turned away, mulling over what the hell just happened with that girl.

"Oh and Jace?" I heard Isabelle say and turned around to her with a complexed face. "Dear Clary, will be joining us for dinner." She smirked at him and began typing.

Well if that's how they want to play it? I can play it like that. I was already thinking about tonight with _her_. If you know what I mean.

Tonight was going to be pretty damn good.

**Thanks for reading. x**


	5. Let Me Get To Know You

**So here is Chapter 5. So from now on I'm not going to say when I'm going to uppdate. I'll update when I have a chapter I think is ready to update, and you'll all just have to deal with it. Haha, sorry for the unrelieablity guys.**

**So read on...**

C Pov

"I'm not sure Isabelle." I said so freaked out. I can't were this.

"I look like a low-class prostitute!" I yelled waving my hand in the air like an Italian. Apparently Issy found my outburst hilarious. Yeah, well I hope you get a stitch bitch. I thought grimly, but definitely with a kind heart, sort of.

Of course I meant it in the nicest way possible. Through the past 13 hours I've known her I've realised she's low-maintenance, just my type of friend.

Although her very rich status always helps. No, I ain't shallow; I'm just saying it _helps_.

My eyes were glued to these ridiculous black pumps almost 4 inches high. Insert sarcastic remark here! ugh.

I had finish net stocking clad legs that were only covered at the higher part of my middle high. Cut off by a silky light green cocktail dress that had a black corset type thing? I don't know what it's called.

What I do know is that it was squeezing me tighter than a chef squeezes spaghetti. The green satin dress was pulled around my chest showing minimal cleavage –thank goodness. However the dress/shirt was strapless and made me feel incredibly naked. From below the 'corset' thing the satin flowed outwards slightly.

It was a beautiful dress. For a beautiful girl. Like Isabelle is, or Maia was.

Get out of the past Clary, what's done is done you can't change it now. I coaxed myself out the memory with the same line I'd been using for weeks.

I shook my head, hard, efficiently making me dizzy, and great plan dim-wit. My now straight fiery red hair whipped the middle of my back; my fringe was the same only heavier.

According to Isabelle the ensemble brought out my creamy skin, _amazing _eyes, awesome hair colour and kick-ass figure. She is a girl for description.

Yeah well mini dress or no mini dress I still didn't think of myself as any of those things. Why would I? No-one else ever did.

My goodness I'm nostalgic tonight. Stay in the present. What's done is done. Get over it. Let it go. Line drawn. No crossing the line. Good.

Freaking hell Isabelle is still complaining about the makeup. I drew the line when Isabelle wanted to cake make up on me like clown. No, I let her do the eye liner, mascara and lip gloss, nothing else. My eyes look _too_ big almost alien. My lips were _too_ shiny, to fake.

This is why I never go out.

"Isn't this a bit much for dinner that you usually go to every week?" I asked confused with the overly glammed up Isabelle and myself.

"It's never too much." She said "Well I guess drag queen is too much, but hey, that's just me." She laughed.

"Really Clary you look fantastic. I always use these dinners as a chance to doll up. It's always fun to make you look and feel pretty" She smile reassuringly.

Of course Isabelle looked like she stepped out of an 'Elle' magazine. Her dress was deep blue draping off one shoulder and rapping around her slim figure; making her look even skinnier with the perfect curves. The dress was short but 'tasteful' I guess is an accurate word.

She dropped her hair atop her head in a messy bun with pieces falling into her face. It looked like someone spends hours perfecting it for her; it's just how it ends up. Her makeup was interesting she had crimson red lips, golden outlined eyes and defined cheeks. She was a stunner.

"The boys will even be wearing nice shirts and dress pants. Relax." She said leading me towards the door of her luxurious apartment.

J Pov.

I sighed drumming my hands against the table at this ridiculously over-priced restaurant. It never seized to amaze me the kind of money the Lightwoods practically though out the door.

"Why are you so nervous?" Alec asked eyeing his sweaty palms. Shit.

"Err, I'm not. So...did _you_ know the new girl was coming?" I asked trying to sound uninterested, failing I assume.

"Yeah Issy mentioned it before. Why do you care?" He answered and asked in a weary tone.

"Just curious Alec, geez man chillax would you? I was just making conversation." Our eyes strayed away awkwardly. "So how many girls phone number's d you think I can get tonight?" Just as I was about to set-up a bet, the girls decided to make an entrance. Finally.

So Issy in her usual attire and Clary in a- Clary! In a very tight, short dress that looks like it was moulded to her perfect body.

My god, tonight was going to be better than I had expected. Good job Clary, you've made me extremely _uncomfortable._

I scolded mentally while she took the opposite seat from Alec, and Issy slid in front of me. Damn.

So, from the looks of it-or lack thereof because she's not even looking at me. No, she was throwing her head laughing at something Alec said, which I missed while trying to prepare my game plan.

She doesn't go for jerks, I learnt my lesson. What about charm?

"So, how are you gorgeous ladies, this fine evening?" I asked cringing at the douche-baggery pouring out of me.

Issy and Alec just looked at me like Oprah was standing next to me or some shit. Clary looked, sceptical. Maybe that's just how she always looks.

"We're fine Jace. Err thank you." Issy replied uncertainly.

2 minutes and 45 second of uncomfortable awkward silence passed between the 4 of us.

"Good evening. I'll be your waitress for this evening." A high pitched 'made-me-want-to-shove-forks-in-my-ears' voice said.

"What can I get you?" She finished very annoyingly. She was looking me up and down. _Undressing_ me with her eyes. I've never felt more used, well at least now I know how girls feel when sleazy guys hit on them. I smirked at her.

I turned to raise my eye brows at Alec but Clary's face stopped me, she was glaring the 'waitress' of ours down. What the hell is her problem? Is she...could she be...no... Never. Ha-ha she's totally jealous, but why?

"We'll have 2 waters, and 2 cokes." I asked politely, we'd already very briskly discussed drink orders.

Alec was a freaking hypocrite. Bastard. The waitress sauntered away swaying her hips, sorry hum you and your daisy dukes just don't do it for me anymore. I chuckled and Clary threw me a questioning glance. I just smiled weakly back. She smiled like it was her birthday and I gave her a mother-effing Ferrari.

Maybe if I, like, acted, like, _myself_ around her. Huh, I've never tried that before. Well, no time like the present right?

"So Clary what is your prime objective in this great city?" I asked laughing. She chuckled then seemed to have some kind of revelation.

"I err, I'm here for..." She trailed off uncomfortable. What the hell? She was looking around for some kind of escape. "Work" she sighed defeated. "Just work" she said with the biggest fake smile plastered on her beautifully distressed face.

Just as I was about to question her further she cut in "So, what's everyone ordering I bet the bolognaise is good. Issy?" She asked, trying to get the spot light off her.

"Um, yeah I think it is. I'll have the Caesar salad and the sweet and sour chicken on the side." So we continued on like that for the next 2 hours. Talking about trivial things.

I didn't engage in a lot of conversation only, when they were directed at me. Instead I sat there, staring blatantly at this girl, who I still couldn't figure out and obviously had a messed up past.

Been there, done that, got the badge. It ain't new to me. So every small piece of information about her I drank in-storing for future use. In a totally non-stalker way. Yeah keep telling yourself that buddy.

My mental list went something like: Clary is 17

-loves to draw

-favourite colour is yellow

-grew up with her mother

-her father had died in a car accident before she was born. (Although she sought of hesitated before admitting it, interesting.)

- Moved to Brooklyn _this_ Saturday, weird.

-Moved from Canada, even weirder.

-She drives a crappy 'Ford' van that was apparently falling apart.

And

-She _really likes_ everyone here.

Everyone, that includes me. _She_ likes _me._

I'm in, she totally wants me. *cough**cough*

Shut up doubt full voice in my head. Great; now I'm arguing with myself in my head. Shit, even worse I missed whatever Clary was saying.

"...and it's just such an amazing view. I mean, the roof is disgusting and dirty, but it's quiet and kind of serene." She said in a dream like voice.

She looked back at us, and blushed at me sheepishly like she just ran her hand up my thigh. Which, she did not I wouldn't have missed _that. _

"That's sounds really nice Clary" Alec spoke in that encouraging voice and gave her a warm smile.

Not that I would tell anyone but it was a really sweet moment, the kind were they smiled and the kids movie ended with a meaningful _hug, _PG people, besides Alec is _so _not into _that._

In true Isabelle style she yawned, opening her mouth so wide I could see her tonsils affectively killing the moment and mood.

"Tired Issy?" I asked mockingly. She just nodded sleepily.

"Well I better take her home." Alec sighed. "Can you take Clary home jace?" he asked. I just looked very nervously at Clary to gauge her reaction. She _seemed_ ok with it.

"Sure thing. No problem." I agreed, trying not to let everyone know just how keen I was.

Alec and Isabelle left. "So, do you want to leave now or?" I asked suddenly more unsure and socially awkward than I had ever been.

She was just staring at me, oddly. As if she was trying to read the fine-print on my face.

"Clary?" nothing.

"Hello? Anybody in there?" I asked jokingly while waving a hand in front of her face.

She jolted away. Woah. "Um, no lets stay for a little." She suddenly insisted.

"Err ok." I said completely unaware of what she was avoiding. "I feel like all we did was talk about me tonight. Tell me about you, Jace Herondale." She said seemingly more like herself.

"Well, there's not a _whole _lot to tell. I'm 19, I'll be 20 soon. I came to Brooklyn when I was 16..." She looked at me questioningly. "For work, of course" I made a point to tell her I knew she was hiding something, without telling her I knew she was hiding something.

"I used to live further in New York, more central. Fighting is everything to me and ever since I've been here the lightwoods have been like my family." I thought she would have gotten bored, but no she said there staring at me like I was explaining how to cure cancer.

"I err, have this fight coming up. It's against a long time rival his name is Sebastian .V."

"What's his actual last name?" She asked interested apparently.

"You know for the life of me I can't remember." We laughed as she made a joke about my fighting leaving me with lack of brain cells. She was funny, I'd giver that.

"You know, I'd really like it if you came along to watch. You could sit with Isabelle. I-If you want." I suggested sounding like a 12 year old.

"Aww gee Jace, I don't know" She said awkwardly.

"No, no that's cool of course not." REJECTED. Shit.

"That's not what I meant." She said. "I just, I know I'm bad with fighting and watching it is just too brutal for me. Especially if I know one of them personally. I can't watch you get beat to a pulp." She said gulping looking terrified of witnessing a fight.

"Clary, Clary. I will win, don't worry about it. However _when_ I win, you think I could take you out with the money I win?" I asked feeling more confident with her last expression that she cared whether I get hurt.

She just blushed and looked down. Shit. Then, looked up at me through her thick lashes, laughed and nodded.

I swear to god or whatever greater being up there that my heart stopped at the look on her face. She looked happy, really happy. She looked like whatever had been plaguing her since she's been in Brooklyn had suddenly been put to the back of her mind.

May lightning strike me down if it wasn't the _best_ feeling to know I put that expression on her face.

So with that awesome feeling I stood up and offered her my hand, if she took it...

As soon has her tiny delicate hand was in mine I pulled her to me and held her like a piece of glass against my chest. I must have scared her because she squeaked then relaxed and wrapped her tiny arms around my waist.

"I don't know what brought this on Jace but it's very nice." She mumbled so quietly into my shoulder.

After a few more minutes of the most comfortable and uncomfortable hugs of my life I pulled her to an arms distance away so I could look into her eyes and said "I guess I better get you home." And smiled.

The smile dropped away when I saw her change in expression. She pulled herself away from me.

"I, I no. I'm fine. Actually you go and I'll stay here for a while and see you tomorrow." She was looking around frantically.

"No Clary. I told Alec I'd take you home. I'm going to take you home. Where are you living?"

"Fine where's your car I'll direct you in there." She said with a cutting edge.

And so we left together. Just not the kind of _together_ I was hoping for.

"So where am I taking you?" I asked once we were both settled in my Toyota Camry.

"Just drop me off anywhere I'll walk." She said nervously.

"No I'm taking you home. So where is it?" I persisted.

"Just drop me off."

"NO, where do you live?"

"You don't get it Jace. I'm homeless Okay? I'm _homeless!_" She shouted.

"I am without a home. I've been sleeping in my crappy van, for the past week." She sighed. I was shocked and she tried to open the car door to get out. They were locked, I pulled a U-turn and started in the opposite direction.

"Whe-where are you taking me?" She asked now, extremely nervous.

"Relax Clary. You can stay in my place. I know we haven't known each other for a while but when you join the gym, you join the family and I look after my family." I said flashing her a quick smile.

"Look Jace, thank you really. I just don't think I can impose on anyone like that. Willing or not."

"You can, and you will." I said finally.

"I was just planning on staying in the van for a few months till I saved up the money for one bedroom apartment." She admitted.

"Then you can stay with me till then." I said pulling into a park just around the corner from the back of my apartment building.

"Come on Clary. Please? Just take my hand whatever your hiding you don't have to tell me. But at least let me get to know you."

**Thanks for Reading. x**


	6. A Little Bit Of Kindness

**So, here's a short one just to keep everyone interested.**

**Enjoy the story...**

J Pov

"And here we are. Home, sweet home." I sighed while stepping in further to the apartment to let Clary go in. It's not like I had to pick a 1 bedroom 2 bathroom flat. Man, I could have had a pent house with a sauna, but I've never been one for material things.

Clary just looked around engrossed in my apartment. Damn, where is she going to sleep? I guess my room, I'll sleep on the couch.

'So do you want a drink?" I asked awkwardly

"Sure, thanks. Just water." She said gratefully. "Well, follow me then I'll give you a tour." I said She followed me around as I enter each room. Finishing with the kitchen so I could get her a drink.

"So that was the tour and this is you drink."I said smiling. She just chuckled.

"I really like your place. It's cosy." She said looking around again.

"Yeah cosy, otherwise called small and cramped." I laughed.

"No really, I like it, it feels like a home. Personal...to you. You know?" She asked suddenly looking back at me as if she was really looking for an answer to a seemingly rhetorical question.

"No ones ever noticed that before." I said sought of shocked at her insight. "I'm glad you did Clary." I grabbed her hand. "I really am." She smiled at me, and any awkwardness or uncomfortableness just faded away. I Pulled her to the couch. And she said just inches from me. Once she was seated she looked at me amazed.

"Dued, this seat is amazingly comfortable" She said to me. I Laughed. "Yeah my friend, Magnus picked it out. You should meet him." I was in hysterics at the thought of their first encounter.

"What's so funny Mister?" She asked pointing me in the chest while I internally groaned at the name she called me.

"Nah nothing, Missy" I countered and we laughed. I flicked on the TV and we watched crappy day time soaps. We relaxed into the couch like we'd spent our whole lives, hear together, watching TV. With that I was beaming. She didn't notice just pointed yet another fault in the plot of the soap opera.

I looked at the clock on the far wall. 11:30pm. Shit, we've been watching TV for hours. I got up to us some drinks, and gave one to her.

"Thanks" She said smiling. "Don't worry about it. I do have a question though." I said uncertainly.

"Shoot" She said sort of weary. I hesitated then asked properly.

"Why did you really come to Brooklyn?" I watched her face, gauging her reactions. Her face dropped; into this icy cold exterior. "I left, I had to leave. I had to get away from there." She said quietly suddenly rambling.

"Clary, Clary." I said trying to drag her attention back to me and calm her down. She breathed in deeply.

"I'm tired." She added like she was in a trance.

"Well, come here I'll show you to your room." She just nodded at that. I took her to my room. "Look Jace, thank you. Really, thank you, so much. So much." She said hugging me suddenly. Next think that happened, scared the shit out of me. She started shaking really bad and just whispering 'thank you' over and over while taking in sharp pants of breathe.

"Clary? Oh shit. What the hell is happening Clary! Listen to me. Clary listen to my voice can you do that?" I asked she nodded and just kept sucking in air.

"I...I...can't...breathe...help...please." She gasped. This girl who seemed so strong when she had nothing and as soon as anyone shows her some kindness she just freaks out.

So I leant down next to her and grabbed her by the shoulders, pulling her to my chest for the third time to night and just held her, whispering sweet nothings into her ear. Slowly the whimpering got quieter, the sobs lessened and her breathing evened out. She's passed out half on top of me.

So picked her up trying to be quiet. I took her to my room, lent her down on the bed and pulled the covers away. She was out cold. Not, that I would anything to this girl who apparently is way more damaged than she lets on. I pulled off her shoes, and pulled the blankets over her.

I sighed heavily I wanted nothing more than to lie beside her and just _be_. But I restrained myself and left the room with an almost silent "Good night". And disappeared down the dark hall way.

I raised off the couch to the smell of eggs and bacon. It was Clary, I knew she could cook. I'm amazing. I smirked.

"Good morning Sunshine" She turned to face me wearing skimpy shorts and a singlet. I stuttered a good morning and sat at the bench top.

"Here's some breakfast." She said bringing a plate in front of me piled up with the best smelling food."Here's some coffee" she added and set a steaming mug of caffeine in front of me. "And, the paper for today" She finally sighed, laid it out in front of me. She then proceeded to sit opposite me and just look at me expectantly.

So keeping my eyes on her I leant down and at first bite started shovelling it in my mouth. "So...?" She asked.

"How is it?" She was bouncing. "Freaking amazing" I mumbled around the food and she giggled which made me have a dopey looking grin on my face. I sipped the coffee and moaned and Clary giggled again.

Just then Magnus barged through the door. "Well, someone is making some 'happy' noises in here aren't they?" He asked just as he entered the kitchen. He abruptly stopped when he realised I wasn't alone.

"And who is this fine young female specimen?" He asked holding his hand out to Clary.

She just blushed and looked down. "Magnus, Clary. Clary, Magnus" I introduced with quick hand gestures.

**thanks for reading x**


	7. My Nightmares

**Sorry about the late update but I'm going to have to reformat my computer so I wanted to get this on before I did that (: This chapter get a little bit of an insite to Clary's past, just enough to satisfy your curiosity and leave you wanting more. :L**

**Disclaimer: All rights belong to the Author and creator Cassandra Clare.**

**SO here's the next chapter...**

C Pov

Maybe I did make the right decision coming here I mean New York to Brooklyn isn't that big a change really. That just means it'll be easier for him to find me. This is such a mess I'll have to come clean to them eventually. I suddenly thought, while Magnus called out from a rack of far too expensive clothes.

"Magnus, Isabelle already took me shopping and spent too much money me. I don't need any more clothes." I practically whined. Being brought back to the current problem.

All the people I meet here are way too generous for their own good. I mean, what if I was just some gold digging Martian? Well, that's slightly extreme but still.

"Clary, you'll learn a few things from me. One of them being: you can never have too many clothes." He laughed. It was so odd to have such a tall, solid man wearing such bright colours. He had all these different colours in his hair-including sparkles- tight jeans, and a fluoro pink shirt, with a black waist coat. He just kept running around the store buying shit load of nothing, I know, I have a potty mouth but only in my head.

"Dude, I'm starving lets go back to the apartment." I yelled openly, hoping Magnus heard me, in which ever aisle he was in. "Fine, party pooper." He sighed, defeated.

"Well Magnus, I've never really been the party type." I responded laughing. He just scrunched his nose up at my dry humour.

So we strolled through this all too large shopping centre full of flashy shops, skinny girls and 'daddy's' pulling out there credit cards. The city really is an amazing place. I almost missed Magnus' car-which is hard- while pondering city life.

He owns a perfect white 'Maserati Granturismo' with bright red leather interior; very nice, and expensive.

So in Magnus' ridiculously posh car we're back out front of Jace's in 20 minutes. We head up carrying a huge amount of shopping bags and Magnus prattling on about something insignificant compared to everything going on in my head. The memories of why I came to Brooklyn in the first place just wouldn't stay out of my head for long. I need a distraction, cooking, perfect.

So I start making lasagne, it took time and care and hopefully if I was lucky, if God likes me today I'll set my mind at ease at least for a few hours.

"-that's why you wouldn't wear horizontal striped clothing." Magnus concluded as I busied myself around the kitchen.

"Any way Clary honey, as wonderful as that smells I have dinner plans with a certain boxing trainer." He laughed, smirked and winked at me. I mumble a 'catch you later' and he's gone leaving me alone in my apartment.

Leaving me alone with my thoughts, my memories, and my nightmares.

J Pov

97. 98. 99. 100. Ughh, I hate sit ups. My stomach muscles seem to agree by tearing in agony. However you just can't have a six pack like mine without them. I wonder if Clary likes buff guys. Pft, who wouldn't want _this_, I laugh and turn over onto my hands ready for push ups.

45. 46. 47. 48. 49. 50. My arms gave out and I hit the mat, hard.

"Jace, you finished with those sets yet?" Alec barked seeing me just lying flat on my stomach, seemingly oblivious to my pain. "Yes, _mum._" I responded being a smart ass, what's new?

He rolls his eyes. "Go punch the bag for a while, then you can cool down and go home." He finishes looking at me expectantly like I haven't been training for 4 hours. I sigh and drag my aching body to the bags, setting my feet up, shape up and start laying into the bag.

45 minutes and 8 busted knuckles later, Alec finally thinks I've trained enough. Today.

"Well then get out of here, and get a good's night sleep. I'll be training extra hard starting tomorrow." He yells after me. I spin around to look at him incredulously.

"Wednesday? Why Wednesday? That's such a random day." I ask, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Well, that means you've had 2 days of regular training which is counting a as a really long warm up before we get into the heavy duty, sweat inducing stuff." He responds and laughs at the obvious look of annoyance on my face. "Laters Jace."He chuckles heading towards his father's office, what's so appealing about that bland-ass office I'll never know?

I'd rather be out here, I think looking around at the sweating tired men's faces as they work for their living, job, everything. Yeah, this is where I belong. I nod to myself and start walking back to my place.

I wasn't really looking forward to going home, after the other night it's like walking on egg shells around her, I never know what'll make her freak like that. I was right about one thing, she can definitely cook but she's also way more damaged then I had thought, maybe we're more alike than it seems on the outside.

Damaged. It's weird hearing that word and not being associated with it. That was me 5 years ago, the damaged kid with a mysterious past. It's not fun I'll tell you that much but what did help as cliché as it sounds was; talking about it, letting someone, anyone in. Into the walls you hide behind.

For me, I hid behind my anger my frustration I didn't want to face the problem, just take out all the excess anger on other people. Thanks to the Lightwoods, I was able to turn that into something more productive. It just become my life, fighting.

I'm going to be that someone for her, that safe place, even if that's all she needs me to be. I'll do it. For her, I'll do anything. A week ago all that mattered was fighting but now; there's nothing I want more than to just protect Clary.

It's so weird; she's changed all my priorities. My list just shifted to accommodate her. I don't know why, it has to go further than physical attraction right? _Wanting _someone and wanting to help them mentally is different. It's like she's what I want, for everything, all the time.

But then again...that's normal for me, that's what it's like I want a girl, for a while. I'll get over this; Clary doesn't need to know how obsessed I am with her psyche, right? She doesn't need to know. I'm just a really possessive person, I'll get to know she won't need my help and we'll move on from whatever this is we have.

I know, I sound like a jealous, hypocritical prick but I never said I was anything but.

If I'm so sure about this why is making me so disappointed?

Well that was what I was thinking before I opened the apartment door and was it with an aroma that made me drool. My god, she cooked lasagne, I love lasagne. She's perfect, so freaking perfect.

As I was about to compliment her, I noticed her hunched, delicate shoulders shaking wildly, tears dripping from her face. Due to her hair, I could only see the tears while they fell. The next image will forever be engraved in my mind, the site of a broken girl, so beautiful so _damaged. _I could see it all, in her green eyes that were looking straight into mine, on the inside she was gone.

"Clary? What's wrong?" I asked tentatively walking towards her with my hand outstretched for her to take. She didn't move so I lowered my hand to hers and slowly brushed them along her hand she didn't respond. I took hold of her hand it was so limp and life less. I looked up into her eyes and she was looking at me so blank, she was like a different person.

Holding her hand, I lead her to couch, and she sat. So, I sat next to her, she twisted her head to look at me. She was doing that a lot, just staring at me.

"You're like him." She whispered. "So like him." She added. She was suddenly on her knees and leaning over me, she slowly grazed her hand down my face. She was in some kind of trance. She was just looking at me, examining my face.

"Like who Clary?" I asked. Trying to get a hold of her wrists, to anchor her down. She wasn't having it. She swung her leg over my lap, and was now straddling me. Oh dear god, this girl will be the death of me.

She leaned her head into my ear her cheek was slightly pressed against mine and she whispered in my ear; "My brother" She breathed.

"Why is that?" I asked trying to get her to sit still if she insisted on sitting on my lap. She looked into my eyes then her eyes trailed down to my lips and lingered, she bit her lip. As it good as it is to know that she wants me the same way I want her, I would never take advantage of her in this state. AT least that's what I was telling myself, chanting in my head. If she keeps moving like _that_, I don't how long my restraint is going to last.

"Cocky, arrogant." She said her face now right in front of mine now. "You think, women she fall to their knees in your presence like your god's personal greeting card to woman." She said huskily.

"But you would never do that, would you Jace? Never do what he did." She asked suddenly with a scared glint her eyes. Slowly removing herself from my lap. "You'd never do that to me." She whispered more to herself than me. Now she was once again situated beside me. I turned to her she was looking straight in front of her, at nothing. I stood and she flinched so I made my movement slow and exaggerated. I came to be kneeling in front of her with my face just in front of her. She wouldn't meet my eyes. "Clary. What did he do to me?" I asked slowly.

"He used to get so angry. They were just games, games. You're not supposed to be like that with games." She started rambling.

"Clary, calm down. Look at me. Just calm down tell me what happened." I said in a hushed whisper putting my hand on both sides of her face. She closed her eyes and her breathing slowed.

"His name was Jonathan." She suddenly said eyes still closed. "He was my big brother, 4 years older than me. He was perfect, at everything. He gave me hell whenever he wasn't. He was daddy's favourite. He never let me forget it, he was my big brother." She whispered again harshly, suddenly meeting my eyes.

"He was supposed to protect me." It was strangled sob that escaped her. "He was supposed to protect _her._" She said.

"Clary slow down" I whispered and she closed her eyes again. "Was? What do you mean was? What happened to your brother?" I asked. Her eyes opened and they connected with mine. I didn't see the young, carefree 17 year old with the entire world going for her. She looked like this broken child, who's fought through hell and back to escape a past she shouldn't have had, I saw me at 16, 5 years ago.

She whispered the last words I expected to hear from Clary, the new employee.

"I killed him."

**Thanks for reading x**


	8. No Matter What

**Hi guys so this chapter is pretty intense actually Clary's past is revealed and the story which intertwines Maia. So please enjoy I'd also really like to thank everyone who's reviewed they make me feel awesome. Quick shout out to burning.. and magic noctum for all the consistent support.**

**Disclaimer: Characters, original plot and rights belong to the author and creator of the Mortal Instruments series.**

**So read on and Enjoy...**

J Pov

Holy shit. Did she just say what I think she said? She was still looking into my eyes, gauging my reaction. Here green eyes were filling with salt water and they slowly started to leak over the edge and slide down her perfect face. She began to get off the couch soon we were both kneeling, knees touching and she falls into me, wrapping her hands around my neck.

She sobbed into my neck and I just held her. It was a weird situation sure, but I've been in weird situations and I'm in no position to judge. She slowly begins to sniffle and look up at me.

"We were so close." She whispered. And now she was sitting cross legged on the floor while I just sat next to her rubbing her arm soothingly. I sat beside her and she just stared off into the distance.

"_Ouch!" a 4 year old Clary cried. "It hurts, it hurts!" she screamed. _

"_I'm coming Clary!" 8 year old Jonathon ran to her side and knelt down by his baby sister. "It's ok sis. It'll be ok. It's just a scratch. You'll be ok, I promise." He whispered and held onto his little sister willing to protect her from any harm 'cause that's what big brothers are for._

"_Now hold your breath." He tells her and her cheeks puff up just as Jonathon slaps a bandaid on the barely there cut. Then he kissed it so gently. "All better." He concluded smiling brightly at Clary and flashing her a thumbs up. _

_She sniffled, and wiped her hand across her face and then looked down at her new Elmo band aid on her knee. She beamed back at her brother. "I love you Joey." She said through a muck covered face._

"_I love you to Clare-Clare." He responded pressing his tiny lips to her forehead the way a caring father would. _

"Until one day our dad and Jonathon went out. I don't know where our father took him but he came back different." She turned to me with nothing but despair in her voice. "He was always the star of everything. He got straight A's, girls lining up after him, captain of several sport teams and he knew it. He used to look out for me I was the quiet girl who sat in the playground by herself drawing. So if kids picked on me he stopped them."

"_What a freak"_

"_Ha-ha she's so stupid." A 7 year old Clary hears behind her but ignores, she's too engrossed in her drawing of kids running around on playgrounds having fun. _

"_I bet she has no friends." This time it was louder. So she turns around and see's 2 boys and 1 girl, a little older than whispering and looking over at her tiny form._

_She turns back to her notebook until she hears someone come up behind her, she turns to look over one shoulder and as she does her notebook is slapped out of her tiny, feeble hands. _

_All 3 kids laugh and Clary's eyes begin to sting. "Give it back" she demands. _

"_What are you going to do if we don't huh?" the eldest looking boy says. _

"_Well, she won't have to do much, she has me." They hear a clear voice call out from the side of them, and they all turn to see a young blonde boy standing with his hands balled into fists. _

"_who are you?" The second boy asks. The little girl just shrugs off the stupid boys and runs off to the slide were the other girls are playing with dolls. _

"_I'm her big brother." Jonathon responds. "If you mess with my family, you mess with me. You definitely don't want that." As he finishes the sentence he springs at the biggest of the boys and tackles him to the ground. He doesn't hit him just gets him away from Clary. So she can be safe. Then other boy jumps on Jonathon's back and Jonathon rolls onto him until the boy releases his neck. Both the boys are on the floor gasping and they jump up and run to the monkey bars. _

_Jonathon turns back to Clary. "You ok Clare-Clare?" He asks. _

_She looks up at him through her little red locks. They share a secret smile and sprint off towards their home. Leaving into the light. _

"That stopped after that day. They came home and he didn't even look at me. He walked past me straight to his room." She said and I could hear the hurt and rejection in her quivering voice. So she cleared her throat.

"That was about the time my mum started to drink. A lot. Cut a long story short about her she left us 2 months after my brother started acting weird." I wanted to ask a question but I couldn't interrupt her while she was explaining the past I wanted revealed.

"He had this girlfriend, Maia. She was beautiful and nice." Her voice had taken on a dreamy trance affect and I assume she was lost in the memory.

"_I don't know Clary, is it sexy enough?" Maia asks twirling around in her floor length champagne coloured dress. Her hair released from their usual braids to flow like waves down her back. _

_Clary, being the innocent naive 12 year old she was blushed and giggled. "You look so pretty. Like a princess." She says relishing in her pretty gold shoes with gems all along the top. They both jump as a loud knock/ bang rattling the house. _

"_Maia, get your fine ass out here. I want to leave, now." Jonathon, 16, barks through the door. Maia just sighs and smiles at Clary sadly. "I'll see you later Clare-Clare." She whispers against her forehead and places a quick peck on it like a mother should, like her brother did. _

"She was going to dump Jonathon and he threw her off a bridge. They found her body 2 weeks later." She choked out, sobbing and I just sat there shocked. My God, poor Clary no one should to live with someone like _that._

"By this stage I was lucky if Jonathon spat in my direction, he used to hit Maia, you know get kind of rough. Well, she was gone so I started developing bruising. He'd thrown me against the wall or chuck a vase at me or thrown me down the stairs. The scars never quite faded."

She glanced at me and looked so self conscious like what I feel for her could be diminished by _scars. _My jaw is clenched so tight, I'm sure the vein is throbbing out the side. My hand made fists against her arms. So I glance down at my clenched hands laced in fine white lines, my scars. I relax my hand at the sight of her eyes, so scared, vulnerably, beautiful. I want to tell her but I don't want to interrupt so I settle for mentally promising her I'll tell her of my past, someday. I look back at her and smile she doesn't return but she continues her story.

"I was useless." She whispers. "I wasn't talented, like him. I was ugly and waist of our father's time. It got worse he started the attacks a lot more frequently almost every night. The bruises got hard to cover. I got hit for him losing a football game, getting a B, losing a girlfriend, our mum leaving, everything." She finished even quieter, I had to sit slightly closer to catch it.

"_Dammit Clarissa open this God-damn door or so help me I'll break it down!" Jonathon now 19 yelled through his sister's door smacking his fists on it, making it shake. _

_Clary just curled tighter into her little bundle under the cover of her bad. There's a huge smash and she feels tight fingers snatch her up by the upper arm. She's being dragged down the stairs smacking her legs and head half way down. _

"_If I tell you to clean up, do it. If I tell you to open the door. You fucking do it." He shouts into her face. Then Jonathon just drops her and her attempts to steady herself fail. Clary lands on her side surely bruising or cracking several ribs. _

Suddenly she sat up more and spoke with conviction.

"One night, almost 3 weeks ago now Jonathon started yelling when he walked in. I was drawing on the couch and he grabbed my notebook, looked in it and started tearing pages telling me they were terrible I wasn't good enough, not even half as good as our mother had been. I just sat there staring at my legs. He grabbed me by the hair and yanked me up towards the kitchen." She got quiet again and touched her hair delicately like she could still feel him hurting her.

"He grabbed a knife and my wrist and held the cool steel against my veins asking me if I deserve life." She'd closed her eyes and taken a deep breath she grabbed her wrist and held it tightly. "I don't know how but I got away from him grabbed a wooden chopping board and smashed it on his head. Jonathon died that night." She glanced up at me. We looked into each other eyes. She broke the connection first.

"My father well he's a whole other story, but he loved Jonathon, his perfect son. He hated me, the depiction of his wife, who'd abandoned her family. He over looked Jonathon's attacks. He over looked the bruises, especially if he was the one who made them. Every now and again he wouldn't get a promotion and I ended with a nice, big purple blotchy face from being back handed one too many times." She laughed this grim laugh that made my bones rattle and my heart squeeze for her.

"_I wouldn't even need a stupid promotion if it wasn't for you." He gravely says to Clary. _

"_How is that my fault?" She asks incredulously. Her father doesn't respond with words but with a sharp crack of the back of his hand against her cheek. The force of it knocked Clary of the couch, she say on the floor holding her sore cheek in disbelief. _

"_Don't talk back to me." He never shouted or raised his voice he spoke so calm, so collected but his actions showed how her really felt. He kneels down and grabs Clary by her arm standing her in front of him she stands on weak knees. Lip trembling trying not to sob when he smacks her again and she fails right back down. Her father, if you can call him that, just looks down at his daughter and smirks. _

"_Never talk back to me." He says turning around and walking into his study. _

"If he came home and found out I killed his prize possession, his son. He would have killed me. So I left, I packed a duffel bag off clothes, the keys to my brothers van and I left New York. I was low on gas so my plan to run to Toronto was cut short and here I am."

Clary turns her head to look at me. "I didn't mean to kill him. I was so scared. Know he's going to find me, my dad's going to find me. Jace, he's going to find me." She whispers through her tears.

I grab her shoulder gently forcing her to look at me. "Clary, he's not going to get you. I won't let him hurt you I won't let anyone hurt you. I promise." I say to her, crushing her to me and she grabs the back of my shirt and starts sobbing into the crook of my neck. I stroke her hair and whisper in her hair that I'll protect her, _no matter what_.

I go to stand she all but whimpers and just grabs me. "Don't leave me, please." She whispers at my feet. I reach for her hand and pull her to me. "Never" I say quietly. I lead her to my bed and she lies down without complaint or letting go of me, so I lay on my side next to her. I lace my fingers through hers and she traces one of the scars on my hand with her thumb. Her eyes are closed. Poor baby, she had so much on her shoulders luckily I'm strong.

We lay their facing each other, our hands clasped between us as she dreams through a life no child should live through. I look at her sleeping form, her face had lost its tormented look at the memories she despised. She was serene, calm at peace even for a few hours.

C Pov

"_You stupid bitch! Get back here, I'm going to kick your ass so hard the bruises will be permanent!" Jonathon yells grabbing Maia as Clary watches helplessly in the corner of the empty room. _

_He drags to the side and smashes his fist into her cheek with the force to break her jaw. Tears begin streaming down her face and Maia starts mumbling hushed apologies. _

"_Sorry? Sorry, isn't good enough." He shouts into her face. _

_Slap "Sorry"_

_Throw "Sorry"_

_Kick "Sorry"_

_Every time he apologises it's condescending and sadistic._

"_Jonathon stop it." Clary yells from her corner. He grabs Maia and forces her to stand on un stable legs he starts slapping Maia and shaking her not even glancing Clary's way. _

_Jonathon wraps his hands around Maia throat and begins shaking her violently. He keeps yelling and she starts going a sickly blue colour. Choking, coughing, Clary runs over and tries to pry Jonathon's hands off Maia's throat. He loosens his hold just long enough to back hand Clary and send her flying into the wall. She just starts crying and screaming at him to stop as Maia goes limp in his hand. She starts to sag as Jonathon lowers her body to the ground._

I gasped and jolted awake dragging Jace's hand with me. I hadn't realised my finger nails almost cutting into his flesh, I hadn't even noticed our hands still clasped together until now as he stares at me with wide eyes and a clenched jaw. I automatically drop his hand and look down at my sweating, shaking form.

I grab onto my hair and start tugging at the roots. "I'm sorry." I whimper. I feel the bed sag as he moves closer to me so our sides are just barely touching. "Don't be sorry." He whispers into my hair.

**Thank for Reading x**


	9. Life Line

**Hi guys, here is the next chapter I had a serious block here I didn't really know where to take it so tell me how I did. It's pretty fluffy so you'll have to bear with me. **

**I wanted to clear up that if people were confused about where Clary is from she lied in the beginning she's actually from New York and was planning on running to Toronto so because she didn't get that far she was lying about where she was from to cover up her past. So hope that helps sorry for the confusion. **

**Disclaimer: All rights belong to the Author and creator of the Mortal Instruments series, Cassandra Clare. **

**And read on...**

J Pov

She's been asleep for almost 2 hours, she's been tossing and turning and crying. She can't even escape him in her dreams. That would be hell she's been through so much, poor baby. I glance at her and her face is contorted in pain and I wrap her up in my arms and hold her closer, protect her.

As much as I wish I could I can't protect her from her memories she'll hold them with her forever. I want to want to free her of them but I wouldn't be the person I am today if not for my past. Clary wouldn't be here with me if not for hers. All I know is that if Jonathon was still around it wouldn't be for much longer. Trust me.

I'd make him regret ever hurting her. I wish I'd been there, more than anything else I wish I could have saved her from that, from them. If it wasn't for her hands wrapped in my shirt I'd go after her father tonight for laying a hand on her.

Clary loosened her death grip on my shirt and curled into herself. I sighed and very slowly rose from the bed to take a shower. In the shower I just lent a hand against the tiled wall as the streams of boiling water runs over my aching muscles and scared arms and back. I clench my eyes shut and try to stop the onslaught of images of Clary scared, bruised, hurt. I used all my restraint to not punch through the friggin wall.

I stepped out of the shower and the mirror is all fogged up, then I hear a crash and that gets me going I grab my black satin boxers and pull on my Levi jeans and sprint out of the bathroom, with my exposed chest still wet from the shower. I run to my room and it's empty. Shit, shit, shit.

I sprint down the hall and stop dead in my tracks at the site of Clary's back to me all tensed up, shoes in hand and trying to slip out the front door. She slowly turns around and her face just drains my face of all colours. Her eyes are puffy and red from crying, her lips are trembling and she tries to unhook the door.

Without a seconds hesitation and I'm next to her hand on the door next to her head keeping the door closed. She gasps and presses her back into the door. I take a step back.

"I-I'm not going to hurt you Clary." I say noticing the fear in her eyes. The movement must have really freaked her out. She just keeps her eyes on me and doesn't move. I make slow movements towards her and bend my knees so we're face to face and lean my forehead against hers, I rest my hands on her hips and she relaxes into me and wraps her hand around my neck.

"Where are you going Clary?" I ask softly. She drops her eyes and hands and starts fiddling with the end of her oh-so interesting jumper.

"I'm leaving. I shouldn't have come here. This was a mistake." She says and I try not to let the hurt I feel flash across my face but I'm pretty sure she noticed. She ducks under my arm and sits on the couch leaning down to put her shoes on.

I slowly follow her and sit across from her she keeps her down on her shoes. So I guess this is a one man show. "When I was ten" I start. She raises her eyes to mine and I continue.

"I was sent to a foster home and I ran away, the cops found me and they took me to a new foster home. I just kept running away. I wouldn't let anyone help me. After the 12th time the cops and the system gave up. I was on the streets for almost 11 months. It may have been the worst time in my life, worst then all the foster homes." Clary's head tilts to the side.

"Once I let Robert in, let the lightwoods help me my life got better. They were my life line." I drop my eyes and slowly raise them and look up at Clary.

"Let me be your life line Clary, please." Ask her and inch myself closer to her. "I want to let you in, I really do. I don't want you to get hurt" She whispers begging me with her eyes to let her go. No way.

"I think I can look after myself" I laugh quietly. She started shaking her head at me harshly.

She stood up and started heading for the door again. I followed behind her a couple of steps.

"Clary, come on. Just think about this please. You'll be safer with me than with anyone else." She stops and turns back to him.

"Well maybe I don't deserve to be safe did you ever think about that?" Her voice was getting louder.

"I mean I killed my own brother Jace. I killed him, I should be in Jail. I should just wait for Valentine to find me." She laughed darkly without humour.

Throughout her little rant I was slowly getting closer and now I was right in front of her. "Don't say that. Don't ever say that." I shook my head at her and I watched as her eyes trailed down my lips and she licked hers. Well, no time like the present right?

With that I ducked my head to catch her mouth in mine. I pulled away, you know testing the waters. She smiled up at me and that was the entire cue I needed I captured her lips in mine again, and they moved together perfectly. I pressed my body gently into hers and we were pressed into the door. As my hands travelled up and down her sides and her hands roamed my chest.

We were moving together letting out all of our frustration in the form of one very hot and heavy kiss. I pressed our lips together a little but harder and she moaned deep in her throat. I pulled away and she was gasping but I just travelled downwards to her collarbone and back up to her neck up to her ear, and further down to her lips again.

When our lips were locked again she wrapped her hands in my curls and tugged at the roots. On instinct my tongue darted out licking her bottom lip and she responded just as enthusiastically. I moved away for a second to breathe and she gasped my name. At that a pushed my tongue back into her mouth and she tasted like sunshine. Our little _session_ was interrupted by a loud banging on the door we were currently occupying. I groaned and lent my head against her shoulder, trailing my hand down her side. I grabbed her hand and pulled her away from the door.

The banging continued as Clay and I tried to calm ourselves, straighten our clothing and detangle our hair. She ran to the couch and sat there like she had been there the whole time. I inhaled deeply and pulled open the door a little harder that necessary and growled out a 'what'.

"Ooh, touchy touchy Jacey boy." Magnus laughs pushing past me into the apartment.

"Hey hey Clary" He yelled out towards her. "Can we help you Magnus?" I asked curtly. Magnus whirled around and looked at me with the oddest expression and behind him Clary raised her eyebrows.

"I was just curious as to whether or not you and Clary would be interested in grabbing some breakfast with Alec, Issy and I." He inquired holding back laughter. I just stared at him and tightened my eyes and began glaring. Clary, being the good mannered person she is stood and graciously accepted the invitation.

So Magnus led the way out and when he was a few metres a head Clary ran up to my and pecked me on the lips then ran out after Magnus. I smiled and followed behind them listening to her bell voice ring as she laughed.

C Pov

"It was the funniest thing watching him slip up, all on his own and go off at some poor waitress for his clumsiness!" Isabelle laughed hysterically and everyone joined in around the table while Alec just rubbed the back of his neck self consciously.

"I was having a bad day I guess." He laughed softly.

"You know I can't remember why we stopped coming here." Isabelle added when everyone calmed down. Next to me I heard Jace mumbled something along the lines of 'I do'.

So we laughed around a table at a restaurant named 'Taki's'. It was a cute little place tucked away in a corner. It wasn't big but it was full so had to be good. It looked like a diner only slightly shaggier.

I kept taking side glances at Jace, seated next to me and everyone time he was looking at me, giving me a sheepish smile.

The waitress came back with our orders and set them in front of us-well most of us- she dropped the plate in front of Jace sending little pieces of scrambled eggs around at us, she glared at him and stomped off. I was in stitches watching the scenario.

"What are you laughing at Annie?" He turned to me sternly but I could see the smile threatening to break out across his face.

"Annie?" I asked wrinkling my nose.

"Yeah, like the little girl from the musical." He smiled at me triumphantly.

"You watch musicals?" I asked laughing as his face dropped and everyone around the table- who I forgot was there-started laughing.

Jace shook it off and began laughing with everyone else.

"It's not fun insulting someone who doesn't appreciate it" He said with a smile down at me.

"Well sorry about that buddy but it appears I am immune to your snarky remarks." I replied smiling back. He just humphed in response and leaned back in his chair.

"Jace, don't pout it's not a good look on you." Magnus mock scolded. Everyone just kept laughing.

"Really what was with that waitress?" Isabelle laughed wiping tears out of her eyes. Jace mumbled something incoherent, looking at his plate pushing the scraps of his breakfast around on it.

"What?" Alec asked. "We went out once and it didn't end well." He said laughing awkwardly avoiding my eyes. He finally met mine and I was barely containing my laughter.

"What happened?" I managed to squeak out without bursting into a new round of hysterics.

"We went out to dinner. She was boring and bland. She may have gotten slightly upset when I disappeared the next morning." He said looking away awkwardly. That was it I was howling out laughing with the rest of the group excluding Jace.

"So when you said you went out, you meant she was your one night stand!" I asked laughing.

So we had little banters and play arguments. We laughed across the table with everyone and ate like we were just a bunch of old friends, catching up. So for that breakfast, that morning everything that was wrong wasn't at the front of mine. It wasn't a shadow lurking behind me waiting to turn whatever was good bad. It seemed insignificant and these people made it that way. At the moment they were my life line.

If only for a little while.

J Pov

I sighed as I finally closed the door behind me. I relaxed onto the couch and flicked on the TV. Clary was busying herself in the kitchen doing God knows what since we just ate. We haven't talked about the kiss I get the feeling she doesn't want to. Well too bad for her because sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do.

I stood up and sauntered into the kitchen and just lent against the wall while she wiped the benches and dried dishes. She knew I was there but she ignored me.

"Are we ever going to talk about what happened this morning?" I asked her, dead serious. She stiffens and turns to me with a hard look that almost makes me flinch.

"What exactly happened this morning?" She asks raising her eyebrows meeting my voice like a fish to water.

"I didn't realise you didn't get the message. Well this morning a really beautiful was sneaking out of my house and I convinced her to stay with the hottest make out session I've ever had." I say softening my eyes as hers sparkle with amusement.

"Is that right?" She asks coming closer to me and I start to move closer to her. I just nod my head. We were inches apart and she ducks under my arm and walks into the lounge room. Shit, she has got to stop doing that. I follow her and stand in front of her.

"What the hell was that?" I ask waving my hand at the kitchen. She meets my eyes.

"What do you want from me Jace?" She asks and stands.

"I don't know anything, everything." _What did I want from her?_ I yell back and throw my hands in the air.

"I want you to want to be here. I want you to not close yourself off. My God Clary, I want you!" I yell at her and start gasping. She jumps at me attaching her soft lips to mine and I catch her holding her ass as she wraps her legs around me. She grabs my hair and runs her hands through it while I knead her ass. Our lips are smashed together and this kiss isn't gentle it's harsh and lust-filled. She runs her tongue on top of my lip and I open my mouth and shove my tongue down her throat.

All the while I start walking us towards the bedroom. Once in my room I lower her onto the bed and press my body on top of hers without dropping all of my weight. I run my hands up and down her side and her hands haven't left my hair. I grab the top of her thigh and hitch it around my waist. She moans into my mouth. My hands find their way to the bottom of her shirt and I pull my lips away and look into her eyes. Their usual light green is crazy like a forest during a storm she nods at me, I attach my lips to her neck and I start to raise her shirt off her stomach running my hands across the fresh skin that's revealed and goose bumps rise up all over her skin. I smirk into her neck when she moans again.

Just then my clock buzzes annoyingly and I turn my head to look at it. Damn, I have to go to training. Is it really only 11:00am? What the hell?

"What is it?" Clary gasps. I sigh and roll off of her and onto my back beside her.

"I have to train." I sigh. "And you have to go to work." I add and she groans. She's all flushed and it's so effing hot. Neither of us get up we just lay there side by side and take deep breaths.

"So what's going on with us now?" She asks and turns her head to face mine and I look into her eyes. I know what I want but I don't know what she wants. I don't want to come on to strong.

"I don't know Clary, give me something to work with here." I half beg with my voice and my eyes.

"Geez Jace stop looking at me like I just kicked your puppy. I guess we'll just see where it goes. I don't want to jump on the couple wagon right away." As she says the last part she turns her head facing the ceiling. If she had said the opposite I would have been on that wagon with a cushion and a portable television but she didn't so we're not exclusive. Dammit it all to hell if it didn't feel like rejection because I know she wants me. People don't kiss people like that if they don't want them

I definitely want her, in every sense of the word.

**Thanks for Reading. x**


	10. What A Prick

**Hi guys. So I'm sorry it's been so long since I updated however this chapter is long (for me :P) and I really hope you guys are still interested. I never forgot about it but I was working on it. Write a little here and there so after almost two weeks (I think) this is what you got. :L**

**Thanks again for all the support it make me feel awesome. You guys are so inspiring I can not thank you enough. **

**SO read on and please enjoy...**

J Pov

Dammit. Punch. Dammit. Punch. Dammit. Punch. Dammit. Punch.

Freaking hell. Why did she have to do _that?_ First she kisses me, twice and the second time I'm pretty sure if that alarm hadn't gone off we would have had sex. Not that I'm complaining in the slightest. Now, she just sits there at her desk typing and looking all superior. She hasn't looked at me once since she walked through those doors.

_Let's just see where it goes. Let's just see where it goes. _See where it goes? Was she joking? How the hell was I supposed to 'just see where it goes'? She's crazy.

Am I supposed to stand around and watch her get with other guys? That's what she was saying, practically. _'I don't want to jump on the couple wagon'_ So she doesn't want 'us' whatever the hell we were to be exclusive. My God, the thought of other guy's hands on her had me pelting into this bag hard enough to rupture a person's innards.

So I guess she has no idea that I'm all pissed about it and even though I sort of agreed to what she was saying when I was talking to her I didn't really agree. This whole situation maybe my fault but she never corrected me and told me anything different.

Now I'm here, all pissed off and angry at this beautiful girl with this haunted past and she doesn't even know I'm pissed. Every other girl on the planet would be jumping at the chance to have me to themselves so why isn't Clary? I'm _Jace Herondale _for God's sake! What doesn't she like about me?

It's so fucking frustrating!

"Jace!" Alec's yells pulls me out of my thoughts. "Jesus man why did the bag do to you? Sheesh. I said cool down, _cool down_. As in let your muscles relax you've trained for 5 hours straight, you haven't whined or bitched once. Come to think of it you haven't said a word." He came to this realisation in shock like I'm not capable of shutting my mouth. Stupid prick.

"What's wrong?" He asks furrowing his eyebrows together in an expression of worry.

"Nothing" I mutter pushing past him. Maybe Alec has absolutely nothing to do with this but I'm taking anger out on him despite the fact that's it's unjustified so I just have to get away from him and cool down. Or I could set my plan into motion, yeah I think I'll go with the latter.

I march over to see her at the desk and Clary turns to look at me. She smiles until she sees my expression and her face drops.

"Issy" I say impatiently and her hand is on the ear piece she's talking into. She holds up one finger to tell me to wait and I tap my finger impatiently on the desk. Clary mouths 'What's wrong?' I just shake my head and turn back to Issy. She says a polite goodbye and turns to me.

"Yes?" She asks quizzically.

"We're going to Pandemonium tonight." I tell her not waiting for a reply she's Isabelle Lightwood and if there's anything Isabelle Lightwood likes to do its go clubbing, another chance for her to try and show off to Simon, that computer geek. Not that I mind Simon, he's actually a really cool guy and we get along really well under all the insults and witty arguments. Being the co-owner of a well respected Gym doesn't hurt your chances with the opposite sex but neither does being a completely tank fighter with the body of a god, the hair of a conditioning ad and the overall appeal, charisma and charm of a A-list celebrity. _That's_ exactly what I'm going to prove to Clary tonight.

"I'll meet you guys there at 8:00 o'clock. Go shopping or whatever girly shit you guys do and we'll get the party started." With that I walked out of the gym and leave a shocked Isabelle and Clary staring after me. I knew that she would be pissed but Isabelle would use this night to go out, glam up, show Clary the town and give Simon a moral heart attack so she's not going to refuse or just not show up.

I knew I was being unreasonable but every time I started to think rationally I just got another hot flash of someone else's lips on Clary's, some else's hands exploring her body and another urge of rage shoots through me.

I pull out my cell phone and found her number and waited impatiently for her answer.

"Hello?" She answers in a soft voice.

"Aline? I need your help."

C Pov

What the hell is wrong with him? What's his problem?

"What's up his ass?" Issy turns to me asking and practically reading my mind.

"I have no idea." I reply watching the door he had just disappeared out of.

"So he's pissed, that's obvious. However Pandemonium is jumping, that is the place to be. It's the best club around. Magnus owns it so you know it's..._interesting_ to say the least." Isabelle laughs and rambles on and on and on about this damn club.

He can't be upset about this morning can he? He said that was what he wanted. He looked so angry, he looked like Jonathon. That's ridiculous Jace is _nothing_ like Jonathon. He's sweet in some aspects and I think he really like me. The weird part is I think I really like him.

I wasn't expecting that, to find someone I really like. I got a lot here I wasn't expecting new friends, a new place, new job, a new environment and a new...I don't know what to call Jace, _Significant other? _We're not in a Jane Austen book. _Make out buddy?_ What are we 14? Whatever we are I have new _someone_. That was comforting more than anything else I'm glad I have that.

I could deal with the rest as long as I had someone.

::::::::::

"Stop pulling at it!" Isabelle scolded smacking my hand away from hem of my shirt/dress.

"It's not too short, you look amazing and Jace will be green with envy when every other guy in the club is eye-screwing you." Isabelle said laughing. I appreciate that she was probably trying to comfort me but it wasn't helpful.

I was wearing a barely-there black boob tube that reached the top of my thighs. It clung to my body and apparently 'accentuated my curves'. I was wearing white fishnet stockings and these killer black pumps. My bright red hair was dead straight again, reaching down the middle of my back and my fringe was pinned up and puffed up a little bit.

I had on minimal make up, I still had some standards. The eyeliner was thicker than last time and so was the mascara. My lips were coated in gloss Isabelle insisted it made them poutier, is that even a word? Doubt it.

I however am convinced it did nothing but make me look like a Bratz Doll.

Isabelle had fun dragging me around that freaking shopping mall and spending copious amounts of money on my attire again.

Every step I took I would pull down the bottom of the "dress" attempting to elongate it, the silver bangles would jingle annoyingly and my heels would click. I was like a walking Christmas tree for Christ's sake.

Isabelle was well _Isabelle_. She looked amazing her hair was out cascading down her sides, leading up to her flawless face with smokey eye makeup, high cheekbones and dark plum coloured lips. Tonight her dress was white and long but it had a slit down one side so her long model's leg slid out every step she took. The dress fell over one shoulder and left the other bar wrapping around her torso so her whole left side was practically revealed when she took a step.

I don't know why I'm friends with someone who makes me feel so bad about myself. I sighed and yet again yanked down the _thing._

I bumped into someone while my head was down and the guy grabbed my arms to stop me from toppling over. He's tall and muscular, with next to black hair. He was wearing dark blue faded jeans and a big black jumper. I guess you could consider him 'hot' but I found him kind of creepy. He was really solid and it hadn't escaped me that he didn't exactly hold me gently.

"Hey, careful there. You okay?" He asked me in a charmingly manipulative voice not releasing my arms. I blushed and looked down. Just then I felt a soft more feminine hand grab mine and pull towards the entrance.

"Come on Clary!" Isabelle yells not even looking at me just pulling forward. He lets go and nods at me, I nod back hoping I don't have to interact with him again tonight or ever.

We stopped in front of this big black body guard in all black and sun-glasses despite it being night time. When he saw Issy he flashed her a smile and pulled the rope back to let us past. We entered this huge room with flashing squares on the floor and streams of multicoloured light flying around. There was smoke almost reaching my knees and the club smelt like sweat and alcohol.

We headed straight for the bar and were greeted by a particularly sparkly Magnus. He didn't look pleased. Issy ordered us both some girly fruity cocktail I wouldn't mind something a little stronger but hey, when in Rome. Momentarily Alec joined us not looking any happier than Magnus.

_I _didn't want to pry but Issy wouldn't let it go.

"Oh my Jesus!" She gasped. "Please don't tell me you're splitting." She pleaded looking like she'd go into hysterics at any moment.

Alec chuckled but it was forced and his heart wasn't in it. "No Issy, we're pissed because of that." He points into the dance floor and I follow his line of sight to see Jace grinding with some girl wearing too little clothing and too much makeup. I grinded my teeth and tried not to look jealous. I had no claim to him. But still after yesterday and this morning. What a prick.

"Magnus give me 5 of the strongest Jell-o shots you have." I said keeping my eyes on Jace and his 'friend'. "Clary don't you think you're being dramatic." Isabelle tries to reason as Magnus hesitantly pours me the first shot. I look Isabelle in the eyes knock the shot back, ignoring the burning pain the liquid provides. I look at Isabelle and give her an innocent smile. I slapped the shot back down.

"Hit me."

He pours the second. Alec is looking at me sort of amused sort of confused like he thinks I've lost my mind. I knock back the second, the familiarity of the movement is welcoming and I raise my eyebrows at him, daring him to tell me I shouldn't do anymore. This time I look down at the bar and 3 shots are already lined up.

I give Magnus a grateful smile.

"I'm not doing this because of that." I say gesturing to the "dancing" couple. Knock back the third.

"I'm not doing this because of him" I add. Knock back the fourth.

"I'm doing this because it's what I want to do." Knock back the fifth.

By this time my throats numb and I have that uncomfortable feeling in my stomach but it's mild so I ignore it. I glance at the couple and now they're heading towards us. She's got a dopey smile and he has big red glowing horns. Although it may be the alcohol.

Oh no, they're gone now. It's all good.

"Having fun everyone?" He asks. An unenthusiastic chorus of mm hmm's sound from Alec, Magnus and I while Isabelle just narrows her eyes and turns away.

"What's wrong with her?" Jace asks slinging his arm over the girl's shoulder and turning back to us.

"I wonder" Magnus says sarcastically and an awkward silence falls over us. I turn to Magnus and away from Jace and his hussy.

"Magnus" my voice is dry and croaky all I need is another shot. "Hit me. Another 5." I smile at him and he throws his head back and laughs.

"Now the parties starting." He mutters pouring two shots picking one up and raising it to me I tap them gently and knock it back. Turning to a shocked Jace staring at me with wide eyes.

"Hi I'm Clary." I say to the girl under his arm and hold my hand out for her to shake.

"Aline" She responds smiling and gently taking my hand.

I nod, smiling. I turn back to the bark and pick up my next shot. I turn back to her.

"You want a shot?" I offer politely, raising my eyebrows.

"I, err...no thanks." She mumbles. I shrug and throw it back. I pick up the next one and notice Magnus helping another customer but still smirking at me from the corner of his eye. I pick up the shot and turn back to Jace.

"J-man?" I ask tilting it towards him. He shakes his head and I throw it back and smile.

After _another_ couple minutes of us standing around awkwardly I sigh and notice the guy I bumped into early walk in and scanning the club. I don't know if the alcohol was altering my perception but he was much more appealing then he was outside.

"Well, this has been sufficiently awkward. You guys have a good night." I nodded to them heading to the entrance. As I walked past Jace I pat him on the shoulder.

::::::

J Pov

"She seems nice." Aline says following Clary's disappearing form with her eyes. That was unexpected and all wrong. Kill me now she looks _that_ good. Megan Fox eat your heart out. Her legs went for miles in those shoes and that skimpy dress. _Thank you Isabelle_. She looked stunning and hot. She had curves in all the right places. I just wanted to grab her and wrap her in my arms but with the looks she was shooting me I assume she wouldn't appreciate it.

"Yeah, nice and slightly tipsy. I didn't think she'd be able to handle a drink like that." I said and we were still following her path even though she disappeared into the sea of swaying, sweating, drunk people. By this time Aline had shaken my arm off of her.

"I'm assuming that didn't go as planned." She said looking at me worried.

"Far from it. She was supposed to get all jealous and angry and then we'd have and argument and make up by making- err, never mind that." I said looking back down to Aline as she laughed at my comment

"Why don't you try actually talking to her?" She say's sarcastically. Well isn't she helpful, not.

"Well you know what Jace maybe this girl is better than you give her credit for. You're that guy Jace, that guy that gets girls without effort thanks to all that." She says waving her hand up and down my body efficiently inflating my ego.

"Because you have all that, you get accustomed to girls falling at their feet for you. Now, it's human nature for us to want what we haven't had or what someone else has. Often both. She's that girl that's beautiful and doesn't know it so thanks to that she's not a bitch. All the guys want her but she's oblivious burying her head in books. She's smart and hidden and in this case has a haunted past. It's textbook. One day one guy finally puts aside what he normally wants for something or someone who finally is enough for him that he won't get tired of her in one month! My God Jace, this shit is common knowledge!" She shouts all in one breath.

"Aline, you watch too many teen movies." I say patting her on the back.

"Don't patronize me you ass." She yells and laughs. "I agreed to help you but now I know this won't help what you're trying to do. So bury your own grave Jace but I'm not helping." She says. "I'll see you around." She pats me on the back-people have got to stop doing that in such a condescending manner- and moves to the other side of the bar pulling out her phone.

Damn it.

I see Isabelle sitting by herself at a tall seated table sipping a coke. They were pissed because they wanted me to be with Clary. I pulled out my phone and dialled his number. I am _such_ a good person.

"Hello?" His voice was croaky and gruff with sleep.

"C'mon Vamp, your girl's waiting for you at Pandemonium." And I hung up. Because I know Simon and I know he'd come for Isabelle. He always did.

C Pov

A few shots later and a ridiculously large amount of shameless flirting and I was on the dance floor 'grinding' with some guy I barely knew, the guy form out front. So it didn't sound like me, but my whole life can't be responsibility and rational thinking. I need to live and apparently this is what teens do.

It didn't escape my notice that Jace has been leaning against that bar glaring at us since we started dancing. He looks pissed again. I don't even care, he started it.

Woah that little childish moment stays between me and my mental dialogue.

"So what's your name anyway beautiful?" The guy asks from behind me so turn around and keep swaying to the music.

Now, I'm facing him and my arms are around his neck while his are on my hips. His eyes are black it must of been the alcohol because I swear he looked like he had no pupils. After a second my vision cleared up and now I could faintly see the pupils in his next to black, brown eyes.

"Clary." I say in a hushed whisper and he leans in closer to hear it.

"Hi Clary, I'm Sebastian." He whispers in my ear sending a shivers down my spine that aren't all pleasant.

"I um, I'll be back...in a second." I stuttered leaving him questioning me. I just need some fresh air. I start to shove past people because apparently they don't respond to 'excuse me'. I was half way to the bathroom when I felt a steel clasp around my upper arm and pull my back against a wall.

I was about to scream but a hand with fine lined marks on them covered my mouth.

"Chill, calm down. It's me." Jace hushes me, slowly taking his hand away.

"Jace! What the hell?" I gasp and start to feel slightly nauseas.

"I need you to understand: that guy is bad news. Trust me." He says looking me straight in the eyes with my back still against the wall and his hands moving up and down my arms. So I start to get pissed because who does he think he is telling me that I shouldn't do something because he thinks it's bad. It's none of his business while he's gallivanting off with some hoochy mama, not that I care. Cough.

"Look Jace I appreciate the incentive but I don't care what you think and it's not really your place to say whether or not he's good news. You don't even know him." I sad pushing him back.

"Actually I do." He says sighing and my eyes widened. "That guy was Sebastian V. So trust me-as a guy you not only know better but who also knows him better. He's not good enough for you Clary." He finishes voice softening and moving closer.

"That's sweet Jace. However he's still waiting for me so." I made a move to get past him and then he got pissed.

"What?" He asks harshly. "You're going back out there? Are you insane? He's dangerous I should know, I've fought him." He says.

"I was having fun with this so called dangerous guy and I get what you're saying Jace but I told him I would be right back and I meant it." I said making a move to try and get past him. Jace didn't move he stood still and lowered his face to mine so his mouth was lined up to my ear and I felt a shiver this time it was pleasant.

"You're a dirty liar." He whispers harshly but with a smirk I can feel against my cheek.

"I was watching you guys- no stalker pun intended- and I saw the way your eyes flashed and your hands shook. You didn't want to be out there with him so you threw down another shot and tried to pretend he was someone else."

I did my best to hide the gasp at how dead on he was about how I felt on that dance floor.

"Oh yeah?" I challenge. "And who exactly was I imagining?" I ask sort of pissed off now.

"Me" he whispers and attaches his lips to mine so whatever witty comeback I could think of was lost between his lips and his amazing tongue. I put my hands on either side of his face and around to his hair, I started tugging on the roots and he groaned and whispered my name.

"I am so pissed off at you right now." I said, gasping for air.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm terrified." He responds and I grabbed the back of his head and pulling him towards.

His hands grab at my back and my hands are pulling the front of his shirt as he runs his tongue on my lip and open my mouth. We're practically attacking each other. We're both sweaty and tired and angry.

"You're infuriating" I gasp and he just 'uh huhs' and keeps kissing me.

"What the hell is going on here?" a sharp voice asks from the entry to the corridor we were currently at the end of. Our heads snap towards the gruff voice and Jace's grip on my hips tightens.

"Herondale? Oh you little son of a bitch." He says getting pissed. He rolls his sleeves up and starts to walk towards us. Suddenly I had this flash of a light and I saw Jonathon and with the exact same intentions in his eyes. I gasped just loud enough for Jace to spin around and look at me with concern. He saw my eyes and grabbed me just as I collapsed.

J Pov

"Shit" I muttered as I staggered backwards, catching her.

"Get your hands off her Herondale." Sebastian hissed.

"Back the hell off Verlac you don't know anything about this." I say matching his stone voice with ice.

"The hell I don't, she was here with _me_." He raged throwing his hands in the air. Meanwhile I swung Clary's body up until I was holding her bridal style. I attempted to keep her ridiculously short dress from riding up anymore.

"Well she's _living_ with me smart ass so move so I can take her home." I say putting my back to him so I can push past him without puting Clary in harm's way. I start to make my way to the exit and give Magnus and Alec a nod when I pass. Magnus raises his eyebrows at me and smirks. In turn I roll mine and move past Isabelle and Simon practically dry humping to music.

The second I stepped onto the street the cool air hit me and Clary started to stir but she didn't wake. She mumbled and jolted and cried in her sleep. It was heart breaking. So I carried her back to the apartment.

_Our_ apartment.

**Thanks for Reading. x**


	11. More Than A Shirt

**Wassup People ? (: so here is chapter 11 hope you enjoy some of the aussie slang thrown in there. Such as 'Ranger' it means 'ginger', 'red head' etc. It explains why in the chapter. **

**I know it's slightly tedious I just don't want to jump too fast into anything here. I suppose, this stuff is never easy in real life and I'm trying to portray some similarities. **

**It's a filler chapter but it has some important content. SO it's short but necessary. **

**1 more thing, Thanks a bundle to my brand new betareader: burning... SO awesome thanks heaps. Any who...**

**Disclaimer: All rights belong to the author and creator of the Mortal Instruments series, Cassandra Clare. **

**Read on...**

C Pov

I jolted awake in a cold sweat, shaking and sweaty with a headache. My stomach felt weak and my body was sore all over. It wasn't a hangover but it wasn't pleasant. I hated that because if I have a hangover, ok and if I don't, great but all this in between shit just annoys the hell out of me.

I rolled over and felt around, and found the other side of the bed cold, empty and over all unwelcoming. I guess I'd gotten used to Jace being in the bed. I could hear the shower running and figured it must be Jace. Then, last night came crashing down around me. The first thing I remembered was Sebastian's expression when he found Jace and I. I cringed into myself as the other memories came back and I smiled when I remembered the kiss before it was interrupted.

My gods that kiss was something. I think it meant something. I'm not sure what; it was just so intense, like Jace was trying to tell me something with his lips. Something he couldn't just say.

I sat up on the bed and the blanket dropped down so it was around my thighs and I realised I was only in my strapless black bra and black boy short undies. I blushed furiously because Jace probably undressed me. I swung my legs around to the edge of the bed, and brushed my hand across the bedside table when it met something cotton with a sheet of paper placed on top. It was a white buttoned shirt- presumably Jace's- it was so soft and it smelled like him. That boy smelt so good he could have his own cologne that was his natural musk. Creepiness aside, it felt awesome and I was surrounded by Jace, suddenly I felt safe and wanted.

What does that mean? He's giving me his shirt, that's kind of presumptuous. Oh, get your head out of your ass Clary, you're reading way too much into him giving you clothing. Even my inner dialogue is cynical, that's something to be concerned about. If I had money, I think it'd be necessary for me to see a therapist.

I finished buttoning the shirt's 3 top buttons and grabbed the note.

_Clary, _

_I noticed your lack of pyjamas. With all the shopping you and Izzy did, did you forget about pyjamas? Girls are a strange breed. I figured you could just use one of my shirts, I know it's nothing fancy but it's really soft and I don't mind if you have it. _

_-Jace._

_P.S you have a rockin' bod ;)_

I blushed again and laughed. I stood and the shirt barely reached my mid-thigh. I started to walk down the hall pitter-pattering along. I ran my hands across the wall and tried to get my mind into a clear state, I remembered last night, but all the events strung together, and blurred.

In the kitchen, I glanced at the clock on the oven and it read 7:00 Am., so, it was early and I had to at work in 3 hours. With that in mind, I got out all the items necessary to make pancakes from scratch.

Eggs, flower, milk and salt. That's right, just call me 'Master Chef'. I wandered around the kitchen mixing, and adding. After about 15 minutes, I had all the ingredients mixed together into a smooth, clump-less batter. I started rifling through the cupboards and drawers looking for some sort of pan, when I felt an arm move past my right and a body press into the back of mine.

I almost screamed and jumped, crashing into Jace, causing us both to fall backwards, where I ended up sitting on his lap. I blushed again because his shirt had ridden up and I tugged it down.

"Good morning to you too." He laughed and I jumped up and off him. I self-consciously rubbed the back of my neck. He laughed again, and let his hand brush across my burning cheek. I bit my lip. His hand lingered on my cheek for a few moments and then he took a step backwards.

"What where you making?" He asks with a smirk.

"Um, pancakes" I mutter while trying to flatten out his shirt on me. "You want some?" I asked, turning around to light the burner on the stove. I bent down again to grab the pan I spotted before our little morning encounter. I could feel Jace's eyes silently appraising me and I tried to shrug it off.

"Sure thing." He said almost offhandedly. I turned around to grab the jug of pancake mix and looked at Jace. He was leaning against the doorway looking at me with his head cocked to the side and a smirk plastered on his face.

"You know what? You'd be good house wife there, Clary." He said straightening up and laughing. He moved to the island that lead to the lounge room and dragged out a barstool. He took a seat and kept laughing.

"Yeah, I'm a regular Martha Stewart." I mumbled as I turned back around to the stove and started cooking the first one. I heard Jace chuckle, but I didn't turn around. I turned to put on some coffee while the pancake cook. So, I was bustling around the kitchen making breakfast for us both while Jace just leant on his hand, staring at me. I tried to ignore him but I just couldn't shake that voice in the back of my head telling me we needed to talk about something.

Once I had everything set up and handed him coffee and he started to dig into the food.

"You're such a good cook." He mumbled around a mouthful of mashed up pancakes. Lovely.

I just smiled timidly in response. I bloody well hoped I was a good cook, I've been cooking my whole life.

"You know, you're always cooking. What's with that?" He asks taking a sip of coffee and a huge chunk of pancake.

"I don't know I always cooked for my family. I guess it's sort of a distraction for me from everything else, a defence mechanism I suppose you could call it." I spoke without looking up but I could feel his eyes still on my turned down face. I didn't mention what I used to do to distract myself. I haven't done anything art related since my mum left and I think it's better that way.

"To be honest with you it's nice to have someone to cook for again J-man." I said smiling and laughing into my mug of coffee.

"Where did that come from?" He said raising one of his eyebrows.

"Where did what come from?" I asked confused.

"The nickname, J-man? What the hell? Although I kind of like it. Makes me sound like a superhero." He said and shook his hair to flash me a toothy grin.

"I had this cousin, Benjamin and I started calling him B-man, so I don't know. It just seemed appropriate." I shrugged and laughed.

"Ngaww, am I your superhero Clary?" He mocked in an overly high voice, which had me in hysterics.

"You know it J-man." I reached my hand across the table and lightly slapped his cheek in a patronising kind of way. We laughed and started to clean up breakfast. We ended up on the couch, him sitting in a corner and me leaning against him. He was watching TV but I was just staring up at the ceiling. His hand was lightly skimming my arm.

"Jace?"

"Mmm Hmm."

"What happened last night?" I asked suddenly nervous. His hand froze but other than that, he didn't respond.

"I mean, after I err, wasn't conscious." I asked still looking at the roof. It was just SO interesting, note the sarcasm.

"Well you chucked down a shit load of jello-shots." He laughed. I cringed, I know it isn't a pretty sight when I drink. I don't usually, unless there something I don't want to deal with.

_Aline._ Jace's _date_. Yep, I'm pretty sure that's why I drank myself into grinding with some guy, if remember accurately. What did I expect? Jace is a good-looking guy with more charisma than Barack Obama. He could get any girl and he probably did. Then why did I care so much? Why did it bother me that he was on the dance floor with someone else to the point where I did the same thing hoping he'd get jealous? I should tell him. I just nodded.

"You started dancing with this guy, if you can call it that. It was more like dry humping to music." He muttered the last bit, looking away. But I heard him and that was embarrassing, so I looked away and pretended I didn't hear it. He also sounded somewhat jealous and it was comforting because clearly we were in the same boat. Or at least I hope to God we are.

"Then, you came running back to me." He smirked. "We made out in a hall way and then your dancing partner came and found us. Oh, and it turned out that your little club buddy was the one and only, Sebastian Verlac. My main rival in the ring. I cannot for the life of me remember why that name sounds so damn familiar." He said shaking his head. "Anyway, he came into the hallway and he got all pissy and that's about the time you passed out."

"Passed out?" I asked incredulously.

"Passed out, fainted, blacked out, whatever you want to call it. You lost consciousness so I brought you back here. You tossed and turned all night. I tried to leave to sleep on the couch but you err...wouldn't let me go." He laughed and rubbed the back of his neck.

I blushed furiously, something I seem to be doing a lot lately.

"Sounds eventful." I said despite the fact that I now remember pretty damn well.

"No kidding." He laughed. "SO what's the plan today ranga?" He turned to me looking downwards and smirking.

"Ranga?" I asked incredulously crinkling my nose at the name. "It sounds insulting."

"No, it's like Orangutan because both of you have red hair." He started laughing really hard and slapping his knee, which in turn caused me to be shaken off him.

"Oh that's hilarious Jace, you my friend are a comedic genius." I sneered at him with more sarcasm than Dr. Cox, only half joking. I pulled a very offended face. "I am so not ok with that name."

"Ok, ok. What can I call you then?" He asked wiping tears from his face.

"My name."

"Well where's the fun in that? I get a cool nickname so I wouldn't want you to miss out." He said smiling an evil smile. Clearly, not really that pleased with his nickname, and wanting to inflict a pain on me in the same way.

"Really Jace. No nicknames for me." I said and half smiled. I just couldn't have another nickname, since my brother they just weren't the same for me. He searched my eyes and apparently, he found something that didn't make him push the subject.

"So what time are you going to work?" He asked suddenly when we had finished cleaning. I looked at the clock on the oven. 9:00 am.

"About an hour-ish. What about you?"

"Yeah probably around the same time, you mind giving me a ride? I just mean it'd be easier and if we ride in the same car, then we reduce the amount of greenhouse gases we produce and I'm totally pro-green." He started rambling off and I smirked at him as he looked down awkwardly.

I put my hand on his bicep to get him to look at me. His eyes snapped to mine and down to my arm.

"It's all good J-man, no problem. Jace, just one more thing." I suddenly said when I noticed he was about to leave the room. I was trying to figure out the best way to approach the delicate subject, which had the potential of making this living arrangement _very_ awkward. I decided instead of confessing my burning jealousy I would question him about his. I lost the sudden confidence that his awkward rambling had given me.

He turned back to me and waited for a reply.

"I was err, just wondering. So I remember most of the night now and why did you get so angry when I was with Sebastian?" I avoided eye contact the whole time but I just knew he tensed up.

"Why do _you_ think I got so angry?" he countered, while watching me. Trying to guess my next move, I squint my eyes at him.

"Because you looked angry...?" I left it hanging like a question.

"Well, why did you start drinking like a fish when Aline and I came over?" He countered and asked still watching me carefully.

I was about to correct him and say I drank because that's what I wanted to do, but I couldn't lie to him so instead I flipped the tables the way he had.

"Why do _you_ think I started drinking?"

'Why did you think I thought you-ok this is getting us nowhere fast." He puffed out a huge breath. He looked into my eyes and his eyebrows scrunched together. He looked nervous and he was trying to predict my reaction to whatever confession he was about to make. Then he sighed dropping his head.

"Honestly Clary, Aline is just a friend and I didn't want you to be with Sebastian because I don't trust him and...And,_ I_ want you."

My breath caught, I knew it, but I didn't think he'd say it. I bit my lip and he kept his head down. I was just about to respond when he spoke under his breath, but with enough volume for me to just hear it.

"I guess I have a problem with you being with other guys." He admitted and looked at me sheepishly. My chest, usually so cold and protected just melted under his puppy dog gaze. I felt safe with Jace. When I was living with Jonathon, all I could do was think _I'm still _breathing, but being with Jace is as natural _as_ breathing. It was natural, but still pumped with adrenaline. I've had boyfriends but they never made my heart stutter the way Jace's smile could. I'm just a cynic and I was always fighting against anything mainstream and sappy. So, the weirdest part was that Jace made me not care that I sounded like a 12-year-old in a cliché teen movie. My thought process seemed so long, but it took only 2 seconds for me to figure this all out and be wrapped up in Jace.

**Thanks for reading (: x**

**P.s Sorry for the long Author's Note at the beginning. (:**


	12. Death On Wheels

**Hi, guys. **

**I was reading over my old chapters and realised I'd said I wasn't going to do Clary's Point of view much but I actually ended up doing it quite a lot. I enjoy writing it more than I thought I would.** **Haha random just wanted to tell you guys.**

**Question: Should I change the rating to M and have them do a little miss-deed? Tell me what you think.**

**Thanks again to my beta. (:**

**Haha anyways.**

**Disclaimer: All rights belong to original author and creator of The Mortal Instruments Series, Cassandra Clare.**

**Read on for Chapter 12...**

C Pov

"Ok, that is not fair! Now you have to tell us!" Isabelle exclaimed with Magnus nodding his head along to her.

He was sipping some latte, non fat, skim milk crap and curled his hot pink denim clad legs into the corner of the rounded coffee shop seat like it was his own lounge room. Issy had her hands wrapped around a mug of some herbal essence tea or whatever they call the stuff that smells like leaves, it looked thicker than what seemed normal. She was hunched over it taking tiny sips and grunting every time she did. It smelt gross and by the faces she was making I'm pretty sure it was.

"Just let it go guys." I sigh and look down into my hot chocolate. I'm trying so hard to keep the smile off my face but it's hard after a whole day of Jace and I stealing glances across the gym at each other and both being reprimanded by trainer and colleague alike. He was all sweaty with his muscles tensed for the kill that Alec was presenting him. They were in the ring, Alec all padded with hands and helmet and Jace defenceless, sweaty and completely focused. They were dancing around each other waiting, watching and trying to predict the other's next move in hopes of contradicting it.

In the week of working at the gym, I've grown to really appreciate Boxing as a sport. I've begun to think of it as a science. It takes natural instinct but also calculated movement. Your mind is rushing and poised as well as your body. No bimbo can do it. You have to be intellectual, clever and quick-witted. You couldn't just rush into a combo, you had to think and wait for the perfect time, with the perfect precision.

It isn't about power. It's about agility and endurance. You can have the strongest impact but it's useless if you can't stand on your feet. Facing people like Jace, who bounced around the ring catching those places you barely notice until you feel them. He was so fast, almost too fast for you to see. He was focused, but every time Alec would turn his back, Jace's eyes would flick to the reception desk.

"...You're supposed to tell friends shit like this." She was finishing. Despite my glazed over eyes she continued to talk and expected me to be listening to her while she was periodically sipping the green "tea".

"We just agreed to be exclusive is all. Pandemonium proved that neither of us could handle seeing the other with another person."

"And that my dear friend" Magnus started turning to Isabelle. "Is why you owe me $50" He laughed and Issy grumbled something along the lines of 'stupid psychic' and trifled through her bag pulling out a crisp $50 dollar bill.

I was just staring at them, with my mouth hanging open. "What the hell was that?" I asked waving my hand between them and their transaction. They both laughed.

"Just a little wager going around the gym, and by that, I mean Magnus, Alec and I. I thought it would take you guys at least month to pull your heads out of your asses and see the sexual tension, but after the other night at the club Magnus was convinced you wouldn't last another week. Alec, however, bet a little before the gun, he thought Jace would have you in bed by _last week_." She finished laughing.

"You're jerks." I said laughing. "So, what's with you and Simon?" I asked smirking at her blush and at my success in diverting their attention away from me.

"I like him, I do. It's just Si and I have been off and on for so long. We can't go 1 week without having a fight. It's getting tedious, but I still want to be with him." She finished sighing, looking emotionally spent with that outburst.

I put my hand over her quivering one that she was clenching on the table. Magnus unfolded himself and put his hand atop ours and said in an ominous voice "Issy, you and Simon are meant to be. Trust me ok, you'll be together in the end." She laughed but didn't lose that look in her eyes that told Magnus and me just how much it was hurting her. Apparently, Jace and I aren't the only ones having relationship problems.

We all sighed and sipped our drinks. Then my phone buzzed in my pocket. My brand new phone that Issy insisted I have because it's the newest technology or some shit. Not that I cared, as long as I could get in contact with people, that's all I wanted.

I reached into my pocket and dragged out my phone to show a text from Jace, a smile lit up my face and luckily, Issy and Magnus were too busy comparing shopping prices to notice me.

**Where are you ? ~J**

My eyebrows furrowed because I didn't really know why he was so concerned. We'd only left the gym 40 minutes ago and he was busy pelting into a padded Alec, much to Magnus' dismay. I made a quick reply and glanced back up to Issy and Magnus.

**At a cafe with Mags & Issy for our lunch break. Why ? ~C**

They were talking recipes, so I thought I'd contribute to the conversation.

"How are you guys at cooking desserts?" I asked trying my best to fake my way through being interested. I thought a general question that they both got to boast about their culinary skills would distract them for a while. Just then my phone buzzed again and I snatched it off the table.

**Which cafe ? ~J**

I assumed he planned on coming down, but that just seemed too simple for Jace, he probably had some elaborate plan up his sleeve and I wanted to know what.

**Cafe Express. Jace, what are you planning? ~C **

They had moved on to sweet breakfast foods, so I knew I was in the clear. It sounded like Issy was an awesome cook. I'll have to go to her place for a dinner party at some point.

**Why Clary, have you no trust in me? :P ~J**

I laughed quietly and sent a reply.

**Very little J-man. ~C**

I was smiling like a 12 year old with a crush.

"Mango slices and whipped cream are so good on top." Isabelle was explaining with a brightly animated face.

"Well that sounded vaguely dirty." I laughed and Issy's face heated up while Magnus laughed along with us.

"Well, well, look who came back down to earth from texting her non-boyfriend." She snickered back, lightly tugging my hair.

"Okay girls, I don't want you getting into a full blown cat fight here." Magnus tried his hardest to keep a stern face and failed miserably after 5 seconds. We were all laughing when my phone buzzed again and I blushed as I dragged it from my pocket again.

**Just come outside in 10 minutes, ok ? ~J**

I bit my bottom lip and replied.

**I guess. ~C**

It seemed like hours but it had to be seconds before he replied.

**Awesome see you then ;) ~J**

I laughed and looked at the time. 1:40pm. So, I'll see Jace at 10 to 2. _Jesus Christ Clary, don't sound so freaking desperate._ It's pathetic but I couldn't help check my phone every few minutes. Then I realised I was supposed to get back to work by 2:00pm and he was meant to be training the majority of the day, so what the hell was Jace planning to do in 10 minutes?

I guess I'll find out. At 1:49pm, I saw Jace's golden hair peek around the corner of the shop as he leant against the tiled wall.

"Hey guys." I interrupted their intense conversation of the 'sparkliest' body glitter. "I have to run out quickly. I'll see you back at the gym." I finished .

"No worries I'll see you back there." Issy smiled and Magnus nodded then added.

"But what do you plan on doing in 10 minutes?" He raised his eyebrows. I just laughed and turned around.

"Who knows?" I muttered under my breath and looked back over my shoulder to nod and smile at them as I left the cafe with the ring of a bell.

As soon as I left the cafe, he grabbed my arm and started pulling me down the street.

"Jace, what the hell?" I asked laughing as he kept running, practically dragging me after him. He had a smile on his face and I couldn't help but laugh at the mischievous gleam in his eye. He slid his hand down my arm until he was holding my hand, but didn't stop. I started to gasp, but he didn't let up on the speed.

We rounded the corner of a big building and came to stand in front of a shiny all black motorcycle. I turned to him whipping my head from side to side.

"Nope, no way not going to happen J-man." I was freaking out and started to back away but his grip on my hand tightened and he turned slightly to face me, away from the bike.

"Come on Clary, it isn't even that bad." He said dipping his head to look up at me through is lashes and my decision wavered for half a millisecond but I shook my head again.

He flashed one of his panty-dropping smiles and let go of my hand as he headed over towards the bike. He slid one denim clad leg over the side and once he was seated on it turned his head to face me.

"Please Clary, how else are we going to get to the bridge?" He asked offering an all black large helmet to me. His expression was completely serious with a sideways smirk. I took a tentative step forwards, putting my hands on both sides of the helmet. I was biting my lip desperately and my eyes kept flashing around. I took the helmet form his hands and almost dropped it when I felt it's full weight prompting Jace to let out a chuckle. Then an idea sprung into my head and I just blurted it out.

"I have to go back to work in like 10 minutes." I was still digging my teeth into my bottom lip and had my eyebrows scrunched together. Jace let out a laugh that rung off the brick buildings.

"Clary, that's what the bikes for. For this one afternoon, we're going to get away from the gym. We're going to a place I always used to go to think. It's beautiful, you'll love it. Can we skip this one afternoon of work and training please? I really want to show you this, it's important to me." he said and the smile dropped from his face as he looked at me with this look that made my heart break, flutter and swell in that sequence. I took a deep breath and slid the helmet over my head. It was tight and uncomfortable, but I ignored it and slid on behind Jace. He had put on a dark blue helmet and I hadn't even noticed.

"Hold on." He yelled through the helmet and it was all muffled from the padding. I slowly wrapped my arms around his waist, feeling his muscles tense at my touch. He kicked the stand away and revved the engine a few times, then took off down the street without warning. I gripped his waist so tight it had to hurt. I felt his stomach shake as he laughed.

We zoomed off and I just clenched my eyes tight and kept myself right against his back with my face in between his shoulder blades. He let out another long breath, but this time it sounded kind of shaky. We slowed down a bit as he rounded a corner, fast. I was trying my hardest not to scream, but I felt faintly sick or maybe anxious, probably both.

After another 20 excruciating minutes on that death on wheels _thing,_ we came to a stop. My eyes had been kept shut the whole ride and the skin around my face felt tight and sore. I felt the engine cut off, but I didn't open my eyes or loosen my grip on Jace's waist.

I felt him move to take off his helmet and my arms dropped from his waist. They felt like they weighed tonnes and I couldn't keep them up. I felt Jace turn around and my head dropped back. I felt downright dizzy now that the bike had stopped. I felt like the world should still be going that fast.

I sagged forward and started clinging onto Jace. I was vaguely aware that he was saying something, but it was more like a humming in my ears, that got higher and higher pitched.

He went to move off the bike, I started to fall to the side the buzzing got softer as Jace's hands grabbed my arms to catch me. I ended up sagging into his chest.

"Woah, ok Clary ok. It's ok. You ok?" He asked. I didn't open my eyes, just nodded at him and he started to pull me off the bike. I could feel him leaning back over the bike, to put the helmets away I guessed. He shoved something in his pocket, probably keys and wrapped his arm around my waist and started to slowly drag my feet in the same direction.

"Clary, now I want you to listen to me, ok?" He asked me and I was starting to sober up.

"Yeah"

"I need to get you up a few flights of stairs, so I need you to pay attention." I was just confused at first.

"Stairs? Well, what the hell for?" I asked as I pushed away from him and attempted to stand on me own. That didn't go well and I attempting to grab back onto him, he caught my hands and put an arm around my waist.

"Trust me, you'll want to see this, but we need to get up some stairs to get there." He laughed. We started to trudge slowly up and with each step I could feel my strength coming back, so I took my weight off of Jace bit by bit.

By the 5th flight of stairs, I was panting and he was laughing.

"Dude, how long are these freaking stairs?" I asked dragging air almost painfully into my lungs.

"Just a few more." He said chuckling and offering me his hand when he turned back to me. I grabbed and pressed my weight onto his arm. I felt his muscles tense, but he didn't complain.

'A few more' to me and Jace were completely different things. _A normal person_ says a few and means maybe 2, 4 tops. To Jace it apparently means 6. Funny, when the world was spinning this building didn't seem as big. We came to a stop in front of two metal doors that had an old 'emergency exit' sticker across it. I was so confused, but my lack of air was slightly distracting. Jace spent the time casually leaning against one of the non-to-clean wall, mock checking his nails and laughing.

"Alright smart guy, what the hell do you want to show me up here?" I asked sceptically. He smiled, but didn't say a word. At the mention of why we were here, his face shot with excitement and genuine enjoyment. He took my hand and pressed into one side of the door. They pulled back and with a loud creak opened onto a roof top. Jace pulled me forward and nudged me through them.

"Jace, it-it's beautiful."

The rooftop was nothing short of amazing. It was huge and had a small brick box-type thing that we'd just come out of, but you couldn't _see_ the brick because it was completely covered with greenish-brown vines lacing around it. The end of the vines seemed to disappear off the edge of the building. There were several tables around the edge of the rooftop, creating a fence.

Each table had more plants than a florist shop, with vines over flowing from pots, wrapping around the legs of the tables and connecting with the ones beside it. The flowers trailed all over the tables, with more colours and flowers than I'd ever seen. Against one side of the entrance to the rooftop, were trees that hung over the edge of the building, making a canopy. It was like a well groomed rainforest.

"When I first came to Brooklyn, this is where I lived." Jace said nonchalantly, while fiddling with one of the purple and blue flowers.

I turned to him. "In this building?"

"No, on this rooftop. I know it sounds odd, but I had no money and the landlord found me sleeping against one of the walls outside. He brought me up here and said I had 2 months to get my shit together. I slept on a bench that's propped between those trees."He said pointing to the hallway canopy. "I just kept planting flowers and trees in the night-time. It was my way of creating walls." He turned back to me with an upturned half smile that I just had to return.

"I call it the greenhouse." He laughed. "For all intensive purposes, this is my real home or at least the only one I care to remember."

I bit my lip and looked around again, it was beautiful but I couldn't imagine sleeping up here. I felt Jace gently brush his hand against mine and then more confidently hold onto it and smile one of his genuine smiles. He looked so in his element surrounded by these plants and this scenery, even more than when he was in the ring.

He turned to face where he had indicated the bench was and pulled me behind him. We walked towards it and got to the edge, where the sun was only reaching the cement rooftop in rays through the plants. He started walking, but I stopped and he just turned back to me and smiled, not a smirk but smile, and I had to follow him. We stopped in between the two largest trees and that's when I realised some of the brown wood wasn't a plant, but a bench. Jace looked at it then at me and pulled my hand in that direction, indicating for me to sit down.

I sat on the bench and looked up at him through my lashes. He was in just the right spot for a ray of sunlight to hit a streak of his golden hair. He smiled and dropped my hand. He walked towards the edge of the building, the view was cut off about 2 metres from the edge by branches that hung recklessly low, like willow trees.

Jace dragged some of the dangling branches to the side and pushed behind one of the larger branches. He then did the same to other side, creating a perfect view of the city with a green leaf border. The sun was towards the west and shining into the canopy now. He brushed his hands together, like he was wiping off dirt and turned back to me.

My God, he is amazing. What a life he must of lived.

He came to sit beside me and reached an arm around the back of the bench. I leant into his side, my head resting on his shoulder and we looked across the city.

"I got you something." He murmured and I pressed a hand into his chest as I sat up.

"Jace, I can't take anything from you." I muttered looking out the makeshift window.

He reached into a bag he had situated next to him that I hadn't even noticed. He pulled out two flat shaped things that I didn't get a good look at before he put them behind his back. He gave me the puppy dog look and my resolve just crumbled.

"Fine, hand it over and make it quick." I said smacking his chest lightly as he laughed. He started to pull it from behind his back, then hesitated and bit his lip. He slowly revealed an A6 sketch pad and a metal container of lead pencils.

"How did you know?" I asked astounded and ran my hands across the soft texture of the pages.

"When you first came, we went for dinner and you mentioned it. Also, you err-talk in your sleep." He laughed while awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck, and I blushed furiously.

"You have mentioned sketching unconsciously. So I just thought I'd provide the material and inspiration." He said quietly looking towards the city.

I couldn't look at him, it was sweet, but I just don't think I could.

"Jace, I haven't done anything art related in months, not since my mum left. I don't think I can. I'm so sorry." I felt my eyes stinging. Jace's fingers gently nudged my head up and waited for me to meet his eyes.

"Don't apologise, please. It's ok. I figured there was a reason that you hadn't been doing it. So when you feel better in here." He said and rested a gentle hand across my beating heart. "And here." He tapped the side of my head, near my temple. "And when you feel compelled to do what you're really passionate about, you can because it's all here, just like me." He said the last part with so much meaning I wanted to cry, with so much intensity it made my heart ache.

He brushed his hand across my cheek and wiped the salt water that had leaked from my eyes away. I closed my eyes and more water fell down my cheeks. I nodded into his hand and he brushed his lips against my wet cheeks. He trailed them up to my ear and back down to rest them so gently against my lips.

This kiss didn't contain any of the heat that the others had. It was so sweet and natural, like we were still innocent children.

**Thanks For Reading x**

**P.s Virtual High Five to anyone who figured out why the chapter had that title before they read it. (: **


	13. Nothing To Fight For

**Hey, guys. Remember me? haha I know it's been a while sorry…school and shit, you know how it is. (: Anyway.**

**Thanks to my beta. x**

**Disclaimer: ****All rights belong to the author and creator of the Mortal Instruments series, Cassandra Clare. **

**Read on to chapter 13 and please, enjoy…**

Jpov.

"I'm not kidding, she can't cook an apple. It'd just burst into flames or something as equally shocking." I said seriously trying to get the point across that no matter how much Isabelle talked herself up she _could not cook_.

"I already told her we'd go to her place for dinner some time." Clary said stopping to turn around and face me, she shrugged my arm off her shoulder and wrapped her little arms around my waist. She rested her chin on my chest and looked up at me through her lashes.

"Please J-man. It'd make her so happy." She bit her lip and pouted slightly. Son of a bitch.

"You can't do that to me Clary." I said practically whining, and trying to pry her arms from my waist. She just dug her chin in deeper.

"I guess" I sighed as she loosened her grip and smiled at me with more excitement than a 14 year old getting his first skin mag.

"I mean as long as you're there how bad can it be?" I asked and smirked down at her as she blushed a scarlet red. She smacked my chest and I grabbed her hand and dropped them together. We just kept walking down the road together. She was swinging our hands like kids, but I didn't mind because this may have been the best day of my life. She laughed and smiled genuinely, not once did I see her break down about her past, and despite where we were, neither did I.

She was everything I needed her to be. She didn't look at me with sympathy or tip toe around me on any subject. I've worked so hard to look tough and strong, so people never looked at me like I needed their pity, but with her I didn't need to be strong because she didn't care that I was damaged or messed up or an emotional mute in most situations.

Around her, I was Jace. This carefree guy with nothing to worry about except who messed with his girl because I would kick anyone's ass who hurt her. If I could get my hands on her brother and father I'd make them regret everything because I'd give them double the amount of bruises they gave her. Make them feel the pain two times over.

Anything she needed from me I'd give her, and I'd help her in every way that I possibly could. I'd do everything except leave. I've known her for such a short time, but it's been enough time for me to see that Clary is everything that I never knew I needed.

We'd been out for hours, the sun was setting when Clary decided we should go for a pizza soaked in more grease than what should be legal.

We finally reached the pizza place; we decided to walk instead of catching a taxi. I was just happy to be with her, sit with her, and listen to her bell-laugh. It was everything to me now, everything I needed to keep me sane. Keep me grounded.

We walked in and took a seat at a booth in the back. It wasn't particularly fancy but there weren't cockroaches running across mould infested tables either. We skimmed the menus, mentioning this and that and just chatting about anything. Eventually a gawky greasy teenage boy, who couldn't have been older than 14, came to the table with a pad and a pen.

He finally moved his eyes away from the reflective glass of the window that he was using to fix his emo side fringe, that made him look more like a girl than a boy, and caught sight of Clary. He did one of those double takes you see in movies and then his eyes strayed down from her eyes to her exposed chest. He mumbled something about what we were having and didn't take his eyes off her rack.

Don't get me wrong I remember what it's like to be a horny 15 year old, but if this kid doesn't take his eyes off my girl, I'd kick his ass so hard it'll take him years and years and thousands of thousands of dollars' worth of therapy to get over it and rebuild his self-esteem.

I started to glare at him and Clary was seemingly oblivious while ordering a few slices. He scribbled shit down but his eyes went back to her chest every few seconds. He finally removed his eyes from Clary and glance at me, visibly flinching at my glare and possibly at the testosterone rolling off me in territorial waves. I didn't want Clary to think of me as a douchebag, but this kid was seriously pissing me off. He scurried away with one last glance at me and the then ran off a little bit faster.

Clary crinkled her eyebrows and flicked her eyes between me and the kitchen door the greasy kid had disappeared through.

"Hey, Hey." Clary was saying and grabbing my hand. "Chill out, he's just a kid." She reasoned and laughed. At that my eyes snapped to hers and I'm sure I just looked angry.

"So you knew that Fringe McGrease was checking out your business?" I asked waving my hand towards her chest to emphasize on her 'business.'

"Business? Are you 8?" She asked and laughed incredulously "Just let it go ok, like I said he's a _kid._" She said rubbing her thumb in circles on the back of my hand. I smiled at her and she just smiled back. My smile turned to a smirk as I leant in closer.

"Don't think this'll make me forget your momentary lapse in mature rationalism." She mumbled leaning in closer and smiling while eyeing my lips.

"I love it when you say big words, its uber hot." I said laughing.

"Configuration. Equilibrium. Manifestation." She mouthed off. I laughed, just then a throat was cleared to our right, but halfway through he had a testy pop and that's what made me drop my head to the table and laugh hysterically. I felt a thump against my head and I guess Clary was reprimanding me but it was just so freaking funny, I couldn't help it. I was smacking my hand on the table and then suddenly hot porcelain was resting on my hand.

"Ouch." I moaned and Clary smirked.

"That was really mean." She said taking a bite out of her cheese pizza.

"_That_ was really funny." I countered and I saw the smile tugging at the sides of her mouth. I leant in again, hoping this time I wouldn't be disturbed and prove to that _kid _that this girl _and_ her rack are officially mine.

Did I mention I was a possessive prick?

She leant in closer and just when we were inches apart, she backed up, picked up her slice, and started to chew.

I growled softly and she laughed and flashed me a sweet, innocent smile. I sighed and leant back in my seat, slouching slightly. I glanced over to the cash register and saw the kid smirking at us. Bitch. I was glaring again and when he met my eyes he quickly looked away and busied himself with unnecessary register cleaning. Pansy.

"Stop bullying that poor child." Clary warned without looking away from her pizza.

I mumbled a reply and kept eating. After about 5 minutes of us taking bites of the gross pizza and making very unsatisfactory faces, I sighed and spat out the mouthful I had into my closest napkin.

"Oh my god, that's disgusting." I mumbled into the napkin.

"I think I'm going to be sick." Clary said while taking a huge drink from her can of coke.

"If you don't like it why did you let me keep eating for so long?" I exclaimed and she coughed up her coke, laughing so hard.

"I thought you liked it, I didn't want to ruin it for you!" She replied.

"Screw this shit, no way in hell am I _paying_ for something that makes you sick, its bullshit." I muttered while slowing getting up and grabbing Clary's hand. She looked up at me questioningly.

"Jace what are you-" Her question was cut off by me tugging on her arm. I pulled hard because we had to get out of there before anyone noticed. Just as the door was swinging shut, we heard someone shout out, but by that time, Clary had caught on and was sprinting full blast. Shit she was fast.

"You're an idiot!" She yelled when we were a safe distance away and panting. I was ok, but she was leaning forward, hands on her knees taking in deep breaths.

"What, did you want to pay for that crap?" I asked laughing at her state. She straightened up and marched up to me, standing right in front of me, I had to look down but she was still intimidating as hell.

"That was stupid, rude and so hot." She muttered and grabbed the back of my head to bring my lips crashing down onto hers. Who knew she got off on the whole bad boy thing. I spun us around and started pressing her back into some random apartment building, as my tongue dipped into her mouth she moaned and massaged my tongue with her own. She started grinding into me and I grabbed her hips harder than before, leaving a mark and loving that she'd be marked as mine. Finally, she pulled away panting again and grabbed my hand and tugged me forcefully down the street.

"Clary, not that I'm complaining, I love that my badass-ness gets you off and all, but where are we going?" I asked while she continued to pull on my arm.

"Back to the apartment. Where'd you park that damn motorcycle?" She asked frustrated after looking around a few corners.

"It's back at the greenhouse." I responded unsure. I thought she hated it. "Why?" I asked slowly.

She spun around quickly and I bumped into her.

"We _need_ to get back to the apartment." She mumbled and I absolutely got the double meaning in that phrase. So understanding the lust in her eyes, I grabbed her hands and started pulling her in the opposite direction, towards the motorbike.

After a few quick turns, and me stealing a couple hot kisses along the way, we were back on the bike and speeding down the street. Every now and then, Clary's hand would wander slightly deeper down south and I would shoot around that corner just a little too fast. She squealed, but this time with excitement, as she gripped my waist. We rounded the last corner, and finally ended up with a parking spot right out front. God must like me today or at least just wants me to get laid.

We practically threw our helmets onto the bike and sprinted into the hallway. Once in there, we looked at each other and I grabbed her by the waist, dragging her to me. We connected again and this time my hands roamed down to her perky little ass and hitched her up near my waist, where she wrapped her legs around me. We continued to lick, nip, bite and suck as I carried her up the stairs.

"This is so fucking hot." She mumbled against my neck as she sucked onto the spot between my neck and my shoulder as I fiddled with the key.

I swung the door open and instead of my empty apartment, I was met with a very angry looking Alec. He was fuming, and if it were possible, there would be steam coming out of his ears. He had his arms crossed over his black polo, and he was glaring at me, as Clary and I stared wide-mouthed at him. We met eyes and then remembered our current position and she dropped off me faster than a baseball colliding with Reggie Jackson's bat.

"Where the hell were you?" He asked me, looking so angry he could probably lay a few good upper cuts into me. Just as I was about to respond with some smartass comment, Clary stepped forward.

"Look Alec, I'm sorry. It's my fault he wasn't there." She said looking down.

"Do you see this?" He asked me turning to gesture at Clary. She and I looked at him with confusion written across our faces.

"We've known her all of 2 weeks and she already holds so much power over you, we don't even know her. Not really." He started raising his voice. Now I was getting pissed, he couldn't talk about her like she wasn't right there.

"Hi, I'm right here." Clary said looking between the two of us.

"Shut up Alec and don't talk about Clary like that! It was my idea to skip anyway! And who do you think you are, my mother? You don't control me Alec." I said scrunching my eyebrows together. Clary was biting her lip anxiously at the scene unfolding.

"Guys, don't fight, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to mess stuff up for you." She sounded so sincere and she had nothing to be sorry for. So now, I was even angrier with Alec for making her feel like that and for putting that heart breaking expression on her face.

"Damn straight you should be sorry." Alec said to her and I was about ready to smash him into the wall.

"Be very careful about what you say next Alec." I warned with a dangerous icy voice.

"Why? You'd take her side over mine? It's me. My family took you in when you needed us and now you're going to hang us out to dry for some chick? What the hall happened to you man?" He asked and by the end of his speech, he was yelling.

Just then, Isabelle ran in and when she saw the scene, she froze. She ran to Clary and hugged her tight.

"Oh, thank God you're ok. We were so worried." She smiled and then looked back at us and the smile disappeared.

"What's going on guys?" She asked slowly walking towards what must have been one macho-man scene with two friends sizing each other up.

"I knew this was going to happen." Alec said as if Isabelle's intrusion hadn't just happened. I clenched my jaw and balled my hands into fists.

"Alec" I said warning him again in a tight voice.

"She strolls in here." He exclaimed pointing at Clary. "And now fighting comes second to her. Fighting is your number 1 priority because that's what you need to be the best. Before all you did was train, but now you're skipping some of the most crucial training sessions for her!" He yelled.

"Alec." Isabelle gasped like he was talking blasphemy and she was a Christian.

I couldn't open my mouth to respond because I knew if I did, I'd loosen the grip I had on my hands and end up just throwing punches straight into Alec's jaw.

"What's wrong with you?" Isabelle yelled. "Clary hasn't done anything. One day off isn't going to ruin his whole training and it's definitely not Clary's fault."

"You don't get it Isabelle!" He yelled. "We. Don't. Know. Her." He said emphasising each word. "We don't know her and she's already changing things for the worst. Jace is skipping training and you two are against me." He yelled indicating Isabelle and I.

"We're not against you Alec, we just want you to see sense." She said more calmly than before.

"I'm seeing more sense than both of you put together." He was looking at me with this pleading look, Alec was...or is my best friend, and I hated seeing that pain and self-doubt on his face. I was torn. I wanted Clary, but I was obliged to Alec. In that moment, I saw myself reflected in Alec's eyes, and I could see in his eyes what he was asking from me. I could see him pleading with me to go back to him, to the Lightwoods, to the gym, to fighting, to my dream.

Alec didn't take his eyes off me. He just watched my eyes as I scrunched my eyebrows together and squinted at him. I was so angry with him. I don't think I've been this mad in a very long time. He half smiled at me. It was so out of place in the situation. It was weird, and I couldn't help but think that Alec looked sort of sadistic, but it had to be my mind playing tricks, right?

"You know it Jace, I can see that you know it, I can see it in your eyes." He was still looking at me, attempting to find the right words that would push me over the line that only he saw.

"Come on man, it's me. Everything we've done together, from where you were to where you are. I was there Jace, we were there." He said looking to Isabelle. In that moment, what he said really hit me, because he was right. He was there through everything, when I was damaged, but now I'm not. It's my turn to be there for her and what Alec said just sent me more conviction to my epiphany.

I started nodding and Alec moved forward, towards me, as if he thought he'd finally convinced me. I looked him in the eyes.

"Alec, you're like a brother to me. Your family saved my life, but Clary, she's been through things that no 17-year-old should go through." His face suddenly contorted into this shocked look. "You guys didn't leave me when I was in her position, so what kind of person would I be if I left her in that place that I never would have gotten out of if not for you guys?"

"My god." He muttered rubbing his forehead then his eyes met mine again. Where I expected to see understanding and empathy, he was laughing, but not with joy or humour.

"It's worse than I thought. She's manipulating you Jace, Issy too. She's a leech, she's just using you, she doesn't care. That's not what she's about. I'm sorry you had to hear it from me, but for all we know she's some farm girl hick looking for some poor bastard to leech off of." He shrugged his shoulders and as soon as that last word left his mouth, I had him pressed against the far wall with my forearm. My jaw was clenched, veins probably pulsing with my arm pushing into his throat. I was breathing deep and he had the nerve to smile. I pressed my arm into his windpipe harder and half sneered at him.

"You guys, this is crazy! It's moronic! You're going to kill each other so stop!" Isabelle yelled from the other side of the room with Clary hanging onto her arm. She looked so afraid of what was happening and it was all this petty douchebag's fault.

"Shut your mouth Alec." I said in a deathly calm voice acting as if I didn't hear Isabelle at all.

"Truth hurts, don't it?" He muttered but it came out strained and unclear. I didn't realise my fist connected with his jaw until I felt the sting on my knuckles when I pulled my hand back. He put both his palms on my chest and pushed, hard. I stumbled backwards, smashing my leg on the coffee table, and as I regained my footing, he tackled me into the lamp that stood next to the door. He was holding me against the wall. I was struggling against him, and as I tried to pry my hand out into a more desirable position, he moved just that tiny bit faster and kept the upper hand.

"Alec, you have no idea what you're talking about dumbass, so just shut it!" Isabelle yelled and started towards us.

He pulled his arm back and threw his fist forward, knocking the wind out of me with his blow. I could feel the adrenaline. I've always been a better fighter in hostile situations. In seconds, I got my legs into his stomach and kicked him off me, pulling the fight away from Isabelle, despite her attempts to interfere. I was standing in seconds, and Alec was clutching his stomach. He looked back at me and I could already see the swelling starting around the side of his face, near his jaw. His eye was getting puffy, and I could only imagine that my face was in similar disarray.

"You can't fight me Jace. I taught you everything you know." Alec said shaking his head and slowly wiping the back of his hand across his busted and bleeding lip. He kept his eyes on me the whole time, waiting to see the anticipation of my next move, to watch the muscles tense before they sprung.

"That's where you're wrong. You taught me everything I know about boxing, not fighting." I said. I had to act on impulse, if I thought too much he'd be able to predict my move. I had to rely solely on my street fighting skills; God knows I have enough of them. With that in mind, I pulled my aching hand into a fist and ran forwards. As soon as I was in reach, I threw my hand upwards and put everything I had into the uppercut. All the while, Isabelle was screaming telling us to stop, that we're brother and brothers don't fight, calling us idiots. We barely took notice.

In the fight, the only thing Alec and I seemed to agree on was to keep the rumble away from the girls or for Alec specifically, his sister, since he didn't seem to give a shit about Clary and that made my blood boil. I bounced back quickly, and while, he thought I was going to move back, I went the opposite way. When he slid towards me to get past my guard, I caught the left side of his head with a quick jab, and then a left hook, all with a smirk upon my face.

Alec staggered backwards and clutched at his swelling jaw. Throughout all of the tumbling and punching, only one thing that Isabelle yelled right now could get my attention.

"I hope your happy you morons, because she's fucking gone!" She screamed and I jumped off Alec and ran into the bedroom where I'd assumed she had disappeared into during the fight. I quickly glimpsed around the room, and my eyes landed on the bedside table and saw a folded piece of white fabric and a small slip of paper sitting on top. I sprinted to the table, jumping a corner of the bed, while I almost toppling onto the floor, but apparently my body decided I couldn't put up with falling over at a time like this.

I hesitated when reaching for the paper because I realised it sat on top of my cotton 3 quarter length shirt I had given to Clary to sleep in. I unfolded the square of paper, to reveal a rushed script scribbled across the bottom. The paper had small droplets of water along the edges, my fist clenched the paper when I realised she'd been crying and probably shaking when she wrote this.

_I'm Sorry. ~C_

I slammed my fist on the table and dropped onto the bed. I put my face into my hands; I was shaking so badly I couldn't stop it. I felt a calloused hand rub my shoulder and flinched at the contact. I turned to stare into Alec's eyes. He almost looked remorseful. Almost. I barely had the energy to be angry with him anymore. I looked over to see Isabelle leaning against the doorframe her expression was perplexed.

"Alec you're a moron." She muttered harshly, without even an ounce of a joking tone. "Do you see what this has done to him? Since when have you seen Jace just sit there and give up, huh?"

I didn't look up to see his reaction, I didn't even register what exactly it was that Issy just said. She was gone.

I clenched my eyes shut and fisted the paper into my balled hand.

"Jace" I heard Isabelle murmur as she took a step closer to me.

"Get out." I said softly, it wasn't out of aggression, but exhaustion, I was simply too tired, too far gone. I felt the two people in the world I considered my closest friends stiffen from the rejection.

"Jace, I-" Alec began.

"Just get out Alec." I cut him off and muttered into my hands that my eyes were pressed into. Then I looked up at them and said with more sincerity than I thought possible.

"Please?" I moved my eyes from Isabelle to Alec and they searched my eyes, whatever they found mustn't have been pretty because they both turned around and left silently. After a few seconds, I heard the front door slam close. As soon as they closed that final door between us, I turned around and smashed the bedside lamp into the wall. I huffed deeply and then ran to the bathroom.

I was leaning on the sink and looking myself in the eyes, those dark, angry eyes. My breathing got heavier and after a few moments I pulled my clenched fist back and it flew forward of its own accord right into the mirror. Leaving it shattered and cracked.

"Shit" I muttered angrily as I ran to the kitchen and grabbed a hand towel, I guess I've lost the power of common sense. I wrenched the draw open, sending spoons and forks rattling and clanging onto the floor. I finally found the sticky tape and wrapped it around the tea towel I was holding against my bleeding knuckles. My hand stung, but I headed straight for the door, on the way I grabbed my jacket without thinking and sprinted out the door.

I was going to find her no matter what.

**Thanks for Reading. x**


	14. Forgive Me

**I know, I'm sorry it's been sooo long, I really am. HOWEVER holidays so yay ! I can write more (: thanks for all the support and all the people still reading this, I really do love you guys. I didn't expect this reaction for this story it means sooo much. x**

**I especially wanna thank TheaterofTragedy for the review that really made me get off my lazy ass and finish this chap so you should all pay her some respect :L**

**I now present to you, the long time coming chapter 14…**

C Pov

Shit.

I dropped heavily onto the rickety park bench barely stable enough hold up a small child, let alone the burdens I carry.

How did everything get so messed up so fast? What happened over the past few weeks? It's like it was all a dream. Now I'm back where I started, wandering unfamiliar streets, alone. Everything gone. Nothing left. All alone. Again. I dropped my head into my hands as sobs shook my small form. I've never felt so small and insignificant.

It's like destruction and mess follows me. I'm like the plague on legs. _Oh God. _

I pressed my face harder into my palms, trying to stop the sting and swell of the salt water. This bench, this park, this city, it's nothing. It's a void. A blank dark whole, it's New York all over again. _Oh God_. This is why I can't make contact with anyone ever again. It's sad and it's bad for my social interaction, but it's also necessary for everyone around me to be ok. That's what really matters. I'm a lost cause. It's over for me, but it doesn't have to be for them. It doesn't have to be for him. _Oh God._

At this realisation, the sobs I'd managed to quiet shook me with a force I haven't felt in months. All I could think of was what everyone had said. The accusations, the defence, the hurt and the pain.

What Alec said had hurt, but he was right. I was subconsciously ruining everything Jace had worked so hard for, pushing him back towards what he'd worked so hard to escape. Just like I do everything else. I hate Alec for breaking what little peace I had left in this shit hole of a world, but I hate myself more for getting involved and for letting myself get hurt again. It's sick and it's masochistic. I hate that I did that, but I can't make myself regret it, regret Jace, Isabelle or the gym, not even what little interaction I had with Alec.

I wish I could. Then maybe I could move on. People say it's very common for teenagers to have suicidal thoughts. Why? Why should teenagers live through things that bring them to the point where they don't want to live? How is that fair?

I pulled my hands away and sniffed, I gripped the bottom of the bench as my hands began to slice into the broken wood and my knuckles turned white. The tears kept falling, all the self-control I'd managed these last few months completely vanished. I just broke.

Is it too sick, even for me, to think the world would be better off without me?

Why don't all of those kids with messed up lives go through with it? They have something to live for. They have one string of hope, one redeeming factor in their lives full of misery and heartache. Maybe they have a parent who relies on them, a friend who needs them, a sibling who looks up to them, or a lover who protects them.

My grip tightened, and I felt a wet sticky substance leak from my palm.

I had parents: one bailed on me- a drunken useless, piss poor excuse for a mother. The other- a sadistic sick, bastard who enjoys the tears and blood shed by his children, if my mother was pathetic, he's as good as dead to me.

The tears slowly fell from my eyes down my face, dripping onto my jeans, leaving wet spots. Meanwhile, my hands are making red prints on the park bench.

I had friends: they never saw through the lies, sometimes I'm grateful but when the bruises hurt so much I could barely move without groaning, I just wanted someone there to hold me and tell me it would be ok. That was Maia, and look what happened when she got herself tangled up in all my shit.

I shook my head, the tears never stopped or faltered. At the next thought, my grip on the bench released and I sawmy cut up hands, filled with copious amounts of red, thick liquid. I stared at my hands, barely registering the pain in them.

I had a sibling: I looked up to him; he turned out to be just like our father wanted and now he's dead. I don't feel safe or relieved because I'll always live with that anticipation in the back of my mind. That's worse than all the fights in the world: the waiting, the fear, the expectation. Now, it's embodied into my mind like a cow being branded. It hurts, it burns and it's everlasting.

Finally, my tears slowed and stopped, leaving just a streaked face of a broken 17 year old.

I had a...Jace. He was it. Until about...oh, 45 minutes ago. Until the shit hit the fan, but he couldn't protect me. No one could. No one can.

"Don't do it," said a soft voice from behind me. I knew that voice; I just didn't know where I knew it from.

I kept my head down and fisted my bleeding hands to try to hide it. He slowly walked around the bench and softly landed next to me. Not close, he didn't touch me, but he was there, and that was something. But this wasn't the voice I wanted to comfort me. I'm such a selfish bitch.

"I've seen that look. Hell, I've worn that look. Half the people in this God dammed city have worn that look." Sebastian said. He wasn't acting like the guy at the club. He wasn't acting like Jonathon. He was a new kind of guy.

"Yeah well, my story's a little more _fucked_ up than most." I muttered never looking up at him. I could feel his eyes continuously on me.

"Let me guess, it's Herondale?" He asked and threw his head back in laughter that was so out of place in the situation.

"That moron, what happened? Weren't you two living together?" He waited patiently, I never responded to the questions, just continuously stared at my hand as the blood began to drip out the sides and trails continued to slide down my hand.

"Hmmm... he took your virtue?" Sebastian snapped his fingers as if he'd thought of the only answer possible. _I wish_. I thought and was surprised by the malice in my thoughts, thankfully Sebastian couldn't hear them.

I almost smiled, almost and shook my head pathetically.

"No." I said softly and Sebastian slumped back.

"He robbed you?"

"Nuh uh."

"He was just a downright jerk?" ...and at that, I did laugh.

"Yes, but no." I said softly and finally dragged my eyes away from my hands towards his almost pitch black eyes. They weren't cold, or empty like I remembered, just curious, almost kind.

"No, I guess, I just figured I wouldn't distract him from his big fight coming up." I said and he kept his gaze steady as his eyes hardened slightly.

"Yeah well, I'm never distracted by a pretty face." He smiled at me and laughed carefree.

My face felt hot and sticky and my eyes felt puffy and swollen. I started to notice the sting in my palma. I think, I think that's a good sign.

"I'll tell you secret." He said softly and moved closer to me. "As long as you swear to never utter a word of what I'm about to say to Herondale." He continued and tried to catch my eyes.

That did catch my interest and I looked into his eyes and nodded.

"I don't hate him. In fact, I actually quite like him. He's an amazing boxer and as far as I can tell he stands up for what he believes in and fights for his family. I respect that." He nodded and dropped his eyes.

I was just so confused.

"Why does he hate you?" I blushed at the words that had tumbled out of my mouth. "I mean, he doesn't umm-" I looked away from him. He just laughed and I felt him shake slightly.

"No, it's ok. I know he hates me. I suppose it comes with the territory. We fight. That's the majority of our interaction." He shrugged and didn't meet my eyes again.

"Throughout most of my life," I started and took a deep breath. "I've been lied to or not told things. So, I've gotten pretty good at telling when someone's not telling me the truth." I lifted my head and found his eyes looking at me with a soft, but determined look.

"It was almost 3 years ago…" He started and then stopped and thought. "Shit, it was 3 years ago…today. It was dark and I'd been drinking and I had this really nice, really fast car." He laughed, but sounded more disgusted than amused.

"It was an Audi R8 and I didn't see him. He was this tiny little kid, lanky and skinny. I just didn't see him." Sebastian didn't stutter, didn't fault, not even a little, but the anguished look in his eyes showed me more than any broken down guy could. He took another deep breath.

"His name was Max Lightwood. He didn't make it and just like Alec and Jace, I'll never forgive myself." I gulped almost embarrassed by how loud it was in the dark deserted park.

He shook his head. "I haven't had a drink since or driven a car for that matter. As soon as I was functioning sort of normally Jace kicked my ass." He laughed again and actually smiled without sincerity.

"I didn't fight back, not because I had barely regained the use of my limbs but because I deserved it. Somewhere deep down I had wished Jace would kill me. He left me alive, with nothing but a busted lip, black eye and few bruises. He showed too much mercy for my liking. Alec, never touched me, never and I never found out why." His voice softened at the end of his words and he just sat there looking straight ahead.

"That's why." I muttered. Sebastian threw me a confused look, but he still held that tortured look in his eyes.

"Why what?"

"Why Alec lost it. Why the Lightwoods had been acting weird. Why Jace just wanted to get away from everything. Sebastian?" I asked even though his eyes had never left mine. "Don't fight Jace." I murmured weakly. He sighed deeply and stood up. He turned back to me and offered his hand.

"Clary, I want you to come with me."

I just looked at him, still planted on the bench.

"I need to show you something. It'll probably clear some stuff up. Also, it's getting late and well let's just say the freaks come out at night." He half smiled and I ignored his hand but pulled myself up into a standing position.

J Pov

Dammit all. Heaven and hell, dammit all. I shook my head harshly, the hood around my head shaking slightly. The tips of my hair were darker thanks to the sweat dripping from my forehead. It's dark and it's late, so there was no way I was running around this city at almost 11:00 at night without some sort of material for cover.

I had run out of my building with so much purpose, but as soon as a certain car flew around a corner faster than what's safe the thought hit me harder than the breeze. _Max._ So I realised I'm a _fucking _idiot. All the anger I was harbouring towards Alec under the hurt of Clary leaving vanished. The feeling was replaced with a pure hatred towards Sebastian, matching the gut wrenching pain that came with thinking of Max, especially on this day.

God knows I hadn't forgotten. I could never forget, I just didn't like to linger on the thought. It'd actually been on my mind all day. I wish I hadn't but the truth is, taking Clary to the roof was more selfish than it may have seemed to her; I just needed her with me, there to make me forget if only for a little while. Just a break from the painful thoughts of Max.

I'd only known the little loser for barely over 3 years. He was only 12, the poor thing, tall just like his big brother, but super lanky. He had these big glasses covering these ice blue eyes: just like Isabelle, just like Alec. He was the coolest geek in the world. He was the kid that in junior high, he'd hang out by himself and lean against walls, watching on the side. He was the mysteriously cool kid that all the girls had secret infatuation for and he was like a little brother to me.

Alec, that stupid son of a bitch, that stupid, moronic, grieving dickhead.

So from there I ran, I just ran. I've been running for almost 5k's at this point. Suddenly I stopped when I realised where I'd run to. The church loomed over me like some evil creature.

I walked slowly, hesitantly towards the doors. They were open. Just one dark gap and I pushed forward and stumbled through. This place was beautiful, huge pillars all along the hallway, separated by candles, 10's of them between each one. I lingered as I glanced up at the window that showed an image of Jesus Christ dragging the cross behind him.

Churches were a refuge, or they were _supposed_ to be. I laughed darkly to myself, not a trace of genuine humour in it, before turning towards the end of the hall, towards the back doors, which were open framing a small courtyard, and beyond that, a graveyard.

I walked as if in a trance, my feet dragging me to where he lay. I didn't want to see that sleeping angel at the foot of the stone. I didn't want to think about everything Max and I did. The manga's we bought and read, me teaching him to uppercut. Him, laughing and pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose, his smile that made a puppy look like a goblin. He was the sweetest kid, and he's gone and I didn't want to remember that.

Alec wasn't talking about Clary distracting me from fighting, he was talking about Clary distracting me from Max, or the memory of him.

I reached his tombstone and it stopped me cold, just like it always did.

_R.I.P_

_Max Lightwood_

_1995-2007_

_The earth has lost a soldier but the heavens have gained an angel._

_A son, a brother gone before his time but forever loved. __For now, there is one less great person to meet in this world._

I dropped to my knees and I couldn't stop the overwhelming darkness from enveloping me. I didn't cry though, I haven't, not for years, but by God, I wanted to. I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see Alec and Isabelle standing behind me. Both of them showing their pain, Alec's was in his eyes, and Isabelle's through her tears and with the ferocity that she clung to her big brother. My God, it never got any easier.

I stood and stepped back. I was about to move slightly, so I was standing behind Isabelle ,but as I brushed her side she grabbed my wrist without even glancing at my face. I slid my hand into hers and gave it a tight squeeze at that she smiled at me, but the tears never stopped.

"I didn't forget." She said quietly and I knew without a doubt she was talking to Alec. I squeezed her hand again.

He took one deep, shaky breath. "I know." He replied softly.

"Oh God, I miss him." She sobbed and released my hand as she fell into Alec. He staggered back, but caught her and wrapped his huge arms around her tiny form. "We all do Is. We all do." He whispered as he pressed his face into her black, silk-like hair.

C Pov

"Every year." He murmured leaning against the wall of an old cathedral type church. We were standing in an alleyway next to a church that opened into a courtyard.

It was big and oddly, out of place in the city, broken windows, cracks all along the brick walls and one tall steeple that overlooked the shorter skyscrapers. It was one of those old school ones that you see and think, _dude, Paris called- it wants its church back._ Behind the church was a mass of tombstones. Most collapsing and bent to the side, cracks half down their surfaces, and a few small angels overlooking the larger graves. The cemetery wasn't big, but it was a good 30 metres from the back of the cathedral steps. Sebastian bowed his head and his whole body sagged forward. He was murmuring something so soft, it sounded like a prayer.

When he stopped, he raised his hand and turned it towards the corner of the cemetery where 3 dark figures stood- one was lean and very tall, another was bulky, slightly shorter than the first but still tall, the last was a lean slim figure leaning into the tallest figure. They were all leaning over a grave, smaller than most. The gravestone was generically rounded on top, but along the bottom lay a sleeping baby angel.

"They come here every year. And so do I." He nodded to himself as if he was agreeing. He kept his head forward and I took a nervous step towards him. At the end of the church was a short sloped small hill and at the end of that hill was a small cemetery with barely 50 grave stones visible. The grass along the hill was greener the closer to the church it was, it had small little purple flowers sprouting from the edges of the grass. Near the cemetery the grass dead and harsh. The whole sight was ironic and beautiful. At least 20 metres down a short sloped hill with patches of dead grass along the lower section while the higher the hill- the closer to the church it was the greener the grass, the taller the little purple flowers grew. It was beautifully ironic.

The wall Sebastian was leaning against was old and decrepit. It was almost completely covered in green and brown vines, creeping from the cracks in the pavement at the bottom to the top of the castle like church. The section he was against began to sag slightly, but he seemed not to have registered it.

"I'm more sorry than they." He gestured towards the figures. "You" He sighed meeting my eyes shortly. "Or God." He looked up to the top of the church towards the sky. "Could ever, comprehend."

"So Clary." He continued "Don't judge Alec for what he does on this day. Please?" I nodded and brushed a few stray tears that had slipped down my face.

"Sebastian?"

"Yeah?"

"If you don't hate Jace, why do you act like you do?"

I heard him sigh heavily, but I didn't look at him. I kept my eyes on the three forms.

"Because it's better for him that way. So for Jace and the Lightwoods, I'll play the bad guy because I am the bad guy. I'll take every beating Jace throws at me. It's what they all need. It's what I need."

He moved off the wall and started walking away. He turned back to me.

"I like to think, for my sanity, that somewhere, up there." He said quietly and looked up at the sky. "He's forgiven me."

**Thanks for reading. X**

**P.s thanks a lot to my beta.**


	15. Sorry AN:

So guys this is my official apology.

I'm going to not be submitting anything for a few months. I've decided to go back over all the chapters and re-write them and make them better so hopefully it will be better when I re-upload the story in a few months.

Sorry again and thanks for all the support.

-Tanay.


	16. Fixing my Life

**Final Chapter for 2010.**

**Disclaimer: all rights belong to original creator and owner of The Mortal Instruments Series, Cassandra Clare.**

**Read on...**

Chapter 15

CPov

The bed sagged significantly when I dropped onto it. The room was small and cramped with a single bed, one chair and a wooden desk wedged into the corner. It had a dirty off white phone in the centre, a small legal pad with the motel's name printed on the top and a few of the motel's pens.

The bathroom was small but definitely adequate. I looked up at the ceiling and sighed.

I wasn't going to cause any more mayhem in anyone else's life but my own. No more dragging other people into my bullshit. No more damaged kid, I will be a defined woman making her way in the corporate world, starting in Brooklyn.

I'm Clary Morgenstern and I will no longer interfere with Jace Herondale's life any more than I already have. I won't distract him from what he's worked so hard for.

"_Where are you going to go?" Sebastian asked and gripped the top of my arms, I dropped to turn away. _

"_I don't know. Away." I murmured pathetically. _

"_Clary, I didn't show you that to guilt trip you." He said as his eyebrows scrunched together and he looked back towards the direction of the church. He squeezed my shoulders to emphasize his point._

"_Can I get you guys anything else?" The waitress appeared at the side of our table suddenly, eyeing Sebastian the way girls eyed Jace. It made my chest squeeze significantly, made my head ache painfully. Most of all it just made me really...sad. It was that simple. It made me really sad. Meanwhile, Sebastian shook his head irritably at the short-short clad waitress. _

"_No." He grumbled and shook his head. She took the hint and walked away briskly. _

_I watched her disappear behind the metal doors. My eyes lingered on them, their finality and the way they symbolised the doors of opportunities and my current life style closing. I mean, they were just doors, but lately I was seeing all kinds of universal signs in inanimate objects. _

"_I showed you that so you don't judge any of them too harshly. Now, you're supposed to go back to Jace, say some witty one-liners and fall into each other's arms like some crappy teen vampire novel." He mocked, but his intentions were dead serious. _

_I chuckled softly, a tinge of desperation in the noise. Sebastian failed to see the humour. I sobered up and pushed his arms away from mine, I just needed space from everything. _

"_Life isn't a Disney movie, Sebastian. I'm not a princess and Jace isn't prince charming." I said heavily, looking into his eyes and we stared each other down. In his eyes, I saw that deep-rooted self-hatred that lay there. _

"_And you're not the evil villain either." My voiced softened but his eyes hardened. He didn't believe me. I could see it. I never could figure out what was worse: living with so much bottled up emotion and acting like it didn't affect you. No expression of what you were feeling, always having some sort of false bravado or nothing, you know, having no emotion at all. Just empty. Without any real passion for anything. I don't think I could live with the latter. _

"_There's no happy ending where I'm involved. Only destruction." I muttered, back on topic. My eyes dropped to the pine table and the overly frothy coffee sitting in front of me. I felt his hand rest on top of mine. _

"_Clary." He said softly and I raised my eyes to his, which had softened significantly. _

"_Everything that we do makes up who we are. You're right. There probably won't be a happy ending for any of us. Max didn't get one, I don't deserve one. What I did was my fault but Clary, whatever happened to you wasn't your fault."_

"_How can you know that?" I asked harshly. He really didn't know anything about me, which is also why I was so confused as to why he was helping me so much. I realised more than anything it was probably for Jace, the Lightwoods, and the people he hurt the most. _

"_Because when something bad has happened to someone and it's their fault, you can see it. They have this disregard for themselves, this reckless look like they don't care about what happens to them because they don't deserve anyone's compassion." He gulped loudly and I noticed he was describing exactly how he felt about himself, and his situation. It was probably his autobiography. _

_"Clary, your eyes don't have that. You're hurt, you're angry, you've deluded yourself into thinking it may be your fault just so you can defend someone- probably whoever hurt you because even though you wouldn't admit it, they probably mean a lot to you." He had this ridiculously calm look like he was completely under control of himself, I swear to God, does anything break this kid? _

_What really scared me though was he was probably right on the money. I hate Jonathon and my father, but they're still my family. As much as I hate to admit it even to myself, I still love them, or at least who they were at one point. All these epiphanies were doing my head in, so I did what I always do in those situations, I got angry, and defensive. Then I tried to run._

"_Who the fuck are you? Dr. Phil? Clearly the lightwoods and Jace have been through enough, they don't have to deal with my shit too." I stood and headed straight for the door. I could hear the scraping of Sebastian's chair as he ran after me. I swung the door open and I felt Sebastian behind me. _

"_You shouldn't either." He yelled after me. I was a few metres in front of him but that stopped me in my tracks and made my blood run cold. I spun around to face him._

"_What?" I asked harshly, seething, panting heavily, and making my chest rise and fall._

"_You shouldn't have to deal with it either. Not alone. You're a kid Clary; you can't handle that. Face it, no one person can. But, maybe with Jace, you can share the pain, balance it out and possibly, miraculously survive it. Maybe then, it'll be a little more bearable." He trailed off; never breaking the eye contact he had held with me for so long, with so much purpose._

"_And how would you know?" I asked harshly. Everything he was saying was true and I knew it but I couldn't accept it. It hurt too much, and I had too much hurt to deal with to let anymore in. _

"_I have a cousin. I've been living with her since the accident. I didn't tell her any details. She just knows it's my fault some young kid won't ever grow up. She doesn't even know I fight. She made it bearable."For the first time I saw more in Sebastian's eyes than I ever had: adoration, some level of love for someone else and probably the strongest was the pure desperation and need he had for her. _

_My lip trembled and I knew I wanted to cry but I couldn't. I shook my head furiously and Sebastian's eyes drained of the hope they may have held for those few brief unsure moments._

"_I won't do it. I won't do that to them, to him." I spoke with a finality I don't think I've ever had in my life. I was determined and decided. I turned and I ran. _

_I'm not sure I heard it right, it was like a quiet whisper, almost like the prayer he whispered at the church, but it carried on the wind, trailing after me._

"_Just, look after yourself. For him."_

Have you ever noticed that as soon as life is going well every possible thing that can go wrong does?

I had those few perfect weeks, but if life has taught me anything, it's that nothing last forever. That ecstasy was temporary and to be honest I knew it, I was really just waiting for that one thing to come along that broke down my whole world. It came along all right, just as it always does.

Yeah, well it's one of those days, one of those shitty, shitty days.

…and that day turned to a week, which turned into a few long, lonely months.

"How are you? Really?" He asked, slowly watching me for any kind of sign that I was about two steps away from a break down. I was stronger, or at least that's what I've been telling myself these last few months by myself.

"I'm fine Simon. Really." I answered honestly, hoping there was conviction in my eyes. "How is he?" I asked hesitantly.

"Heartbroken." He said bluntly. _Jeez, Si don't hold back._ I thought bitterly. He released a deep sigh, as if he read my mind. "You haven't known Jace as long as I have but he hasn't been the same." He took a deep breath and dropped his eyes down to the coffee in his hand, perched on his knee.

"It was weird you know he started out this sarcastic, narcissistic, strong guy and his emotions were seemingly impenetrable." He was looking out across the building towards the people passing us by, "But Clary, I'm not going to lie to you. At first he thought you were hot, you know, gorgeous and the picture of the perfect girl. Then he got to know you and it was like he woke up and suddenly in those few short weeks of bliss everything I thought I knew about Jace was different. His jokes were genuinely kind natured, he meant well and you could see in his eyes, he was truly happy. He smiled with sincerity." Simon looked caught up in the memory. Then his eyes dropped to his knee and back to my eyes, my eyes that never left his face. My god you could read this kid like a book. "You left, I haven't even seen him fake smile. He doesn't even try to pretend he's happy. When you left, he didn't go back to being the Jace we all knew. He became a shell of what we had." He said softly. I gulped and looked away.

"He trains. He and Alec are as thick as thieves. You know if one of those thieves was a deaf mute. That's all he does, train." I nodded along to his little analogy, but it didn't make much sense to me.

I let out one long deep, loud breath. "How's Isabelle?" I moved the topic along.

"It's always hard for her after that day. Max was a big part of all of our lives. I know we probably should have told you, or warned you. By the way, how'd you figure that out?" He asked suddenly curious.

"I…did some research." I came up with lamely. I couldn't just rat out Sebastian. Maybe one day, in a perfect world, the Lightwoods and Jace will know the truth about him. For now, I suppose it's his burden to carry.

"Hmmm." He wasn't convinced, which I saw clearly with the look he gave me, but he also didn't press the issue.

"Look, are you just here to guilt trip me?" I asked sceptically.

"No, just tell you what's been going on, what you've left behind. If you're feeling guilty about that Clary, well, what do you think that means?" He asked me, looking pensive.

"I appreciate everything you did for me Simon, all of you. I really do. I just couldn't be there anymore, I was in the way and just messing up the good dynamics you already had going on." I said trying to make him understand.

"That's bullshit Clary and you know it." He was getting angry and his high set cheekbones were getting redder under his glasses. The sad thing is I did know it.

"I have to go." I said making a move to stand. Simon's hand shot out to reach for my forearm and I, being the idiot I am, instinctively flinched. I knew better than anyone that showing physical fear tells anyone you're scared. I internally slapped myself for the slip up.

"Wait" He said softly moving his hand away slowly.

"What is it?" I said exhausted.

"Here. It's in 2 weeks, it's important and you should probably be there, just make an appearance. Please." He was begging and pleading with me through his eyes as he handed me a small pocket sized card with an address scrawled across the top and at the bottom:

_Raining Champion, Herondale vs. Long Time Rival, Verlac._

As I walked towards my car I slowly started to remember my last interaction with Simon, he really was a good guy. I'm happy this meeting ended better than the last one.

_"Simon, I am begging you. Begging you. Please don't tell anyone I was here." I was pleading with him, desperately from behind the reception desk as I slid the few personal items I had there, into my bag. I had to get out. I just had to. _

_"What the hell are you doing Clary?" He asked completely confused and agitated. I was running back and forth around the gym, forgetting this, dropping that. I was close to tears, this was the final conviction and once I told Simon, he'd tell everyone else and my self-paved path would be irrevocable._

_"I'm leaving before anything else gets out of hand."I said through almost sobs as I rummaged through the draws to check if I missed anything. _

_"What the hell do you mean 'anything else', Clary what's happened?" He looked like I was driving him crazy. Him, asking me questions and trailing behind me as I ran around the gym like a crazy person, picking up any remnants of my existence._

_"I'm sorry Simon, I am. And tell Robert how sorry and grateful I am. Please Simon. I need you to do this for me." I begged him. He didn't know what was really going on, but whatever he saw in my eyes evocated his reaction._

_"Fine." He muttered grudgingly as I walked, fast paced past him and towards the exit. As I brushed by him, I stopped and put my arm on his bicep, keeping my head towards the entrance and his toward Robert's office, I squeezed his arm walking by. _

_"Thank you. Bye."_

I know I ended a lot of the short lived relationships I had with these people by running away. It's all I've been doing these last few months, running, just getting away from everything. That last exit from Jace's is exactly what I needed and what Jace needed whether he knew it then or not. The truth is, I could never be in a real relationship with Jace or become honest "BFF's" with Isabelle if I didn't sort through all this shit.

I was going to face my demons then maybe when I was ready I could rebuild that almost perfect life. Let's face it. It was never permanent. Somewhere deep down I knew that. I just didn't want to admit it. I see it now, now that everything is in perspective.

I would be stable before I went back to that gym. Everything that happens is a learning experience; we never appreciate it at the time. I tried to make that life work but it just wouldn't, not when it was built on me running away. What really worried me was whether they'd let me come back in time, whether _he_ would forgive me for walking away.

In the end, that's what I've dedicated this time to: fixing my life.

_"Hello?" I answered tentatively after checking the number, I didn't recognise it. _

_"Clary, is that you?" A small, oddly familiar voice asked through the line._

_"Who is this?"I was starting to freak out now, because it just wasn't normal to have people randomly call you up, and know your name. That shit is screwed up. _

_"Oh my God, my baby. My poor baby, are you ok?" She gushed out in a sudden unrestrained overflow of words. I almost dropped the ice tea I was holding. _

_Oh God, no. It couldn't be her, it just couldn't be. _

_"M-Mum?" I cringed at the vulnerability in my voice. It was so strange. This is never how I imagined this would happen. When I still had hopes that she'd find me, I thought the realisation would be instantaneous. I thought I'd find some kind of normality again, but all it did was add gasoline to the slowly dwindling fire. _

_After all, she left me behind to deal with everything and I still felt an unexplainable tightening in my chest, a relief that she wasn't dead. In the end, I got it. I knew why she had left, why would anyone live in that situation when you could get out? What I didn't get, was why she didn't take me with her. _

_"Clary, I want you to listen very carefully. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I left and I'm sorry I became the drunken emotional mute I was, but Clary something wonderful happened while I was I away." She started gushing and I hit my breaking point. _

_"What in all that's Holy is wrong with you?" I asked and you could practically see the aggression rolling off me in waves. _

_"Clary I-" she started but I cut her off, I was just too furious and hurt to hear about all the good things that happened to her once she got out, that lucky bitch. _

_"Jonathan is dead." I heard her audible gasp and I was suddenly all business. _

_"Did your father-?"_

_"No. So whatever great thing happened to you. All that happened to me was death and destruction." I sounded raw, but not sad, angry or regretful, just empty. Pretty much everything I feared I'd become._

_"Clary, where are you?" she said all too slowly. _

_I took one deep, slow breathe._

_"Brooklyn. Where are you mum?"I said and desperation seeped into my words. I'd said that so much over the year, to myself, to my dad, to Jonathon. Hell, I even prayed to God. Never got a reply and suddenly saying it aloud to her nonetheless was surreal. _

_"New York." and with that, I did drop my ice tea and it toppled to the floor, but I barely registered the soft thud. So close._

_"New York? You're in New York? How long have you been there?" So close._

_"Since...since I left." For so long._

_"You never left New York." My God. You'd think my head would explode by now but somehow it hadn't. Sadly, my head remains intact and with minimal to no combustion at all having occurred. How disappointing. _

_I took yet another deep breathe. "What do you want mum?" My question brought her up cold. _

_"I just...just wanted to know if my baby was ok. If she was alive. I am sorry Clary. Though I've been a terrible mother, I do love you and I've thought of you constantly."I could hear the tremors in her voice and I wanted to cry too and maybe even rebuild that mother-daughter relationship we once had. _

_Then I remembered that I was already planning to rebuild my whole life, without cause or disruption from my brother and father and without me causing issues for Jace. However, I had never even considered that my dead-beat alcoholic mother would come back, and what's more, seemingly sober. _

_"How'd you find me mum?"_

_"I- your father told me you disappeared." She said with so much pre-caution as if she was overly aware of my mental state._

_"You talked to dad." I stated without waiting for confirmation. _

_"He called me. I was horrified and shocked. I have no idea how he knew my number." _

_"What did he say?" I asked harshly and when she didn't reply, I repeated it more forcefully._

_"Jocelyn, what did he say?"_

_"He-" She took a deep breath. "He said 'it's her fault he's gone. Now she's disappeared. I'll make sure she disappears permanently.' then he hung up. I was so worried, so I did every possible thing in my power to find you. Make sure you were safe, and warn you." Holy shit. _

_I was standing in the middle of some random pathway with masses of people pushing past me. "Clary, I need to give you something. I've been working, selling my artwork. For thousands, tens of thousands and on the rare occasion hundreds of thousands of dollars. It's been amazing." She said quietly. She's been working. Doing her artwork. My drugged up mother, the artist. Ain't that just a kick in the internally bleeding guts. "I want you to take some money. To look after yourself, to live on, to hide from your father. Make something of yourself without the distraction of me or your father." She was crying, her voice cracked several times and she was sobbing into the phone. I didn't feel a thing. _

_"I've slipped some money into your account, don't ask me how, I hired some people. Baby, I really am sorry. For everything." She quietened down._

_"But you're not going to come see me." I said coldly, knowing she couldn't make herself do it, face the child she'd abandoned. _

_"No. Clary it's better this way." She said softly. Better my ass._

_"Yeah. Bye mum." I pressed my hand to my closed eyes and tried to dull the ache in my head. _

_"I love you baby. I'm sorry. I miss you." and with that she was gone. I held the phone to my ear until an the horrible beeping finally got the better of me. _

_With that, she was gone. Again._

_"I miss you too." I whispered so softly. _

After that conversation it was like everything else was a little more bearable. There wasn't this painful weight on me anymore and maybe I could handle it for once. Maybe I could finally fix things with _him._

**Thanks for Reading. x**

**It really has meant alot to me. SO thanks to me readers and reviewers and my wonderful beta. See you lovely people in 2011. -Tanay.**


	17. AN:

**FUCKKKKK... **

**I'm so sorry, I sincerely and whole heartedly apologize to you all. This year has just been crazy for me and I'm so sorry. I honestly meant to update by january but I've recently spent a lot of time in hospital due to many non-identifiable illnesses lingering in my system. I haven't forgotten, truly I haven't. I manage to re-write and edit the first chapter and I was going to upload as soon as I had the second finished but I'm so sorry guys don't get your hopes up. **

**Again my sincerest apology,**

**-Tanay**


End file.
